Cannonball - Book 1

Things I've Learned from Women Who've Dumped Me, edited by Ben Karlin

Originally the plan was for Amanda and I to start Cannonball on February 1st, but we got impatient and decided to start early.  So our year of reading starts today and I am already finished my first book!


I decided to start off with something light, to get my confidence up.  A short book of funny essays was a perfect choice.  I breezed right through it.  The book is a series of essays (the topic of which is explained pretty succinctly in the title) by comedians.  Most of the essays were pretty good, some were not so good, some just made me feel uncomfortable*.  The nice thing about a book like this is that, because the pieces are so short (there are 47 of them, in total), even when I was not really enjoying one of them I knew that I would be getting to a new one soon.  It makes it easy to just keep on reading.


One of the things that worries me most about this whole endeavor is that I am a person who is prone to abandoning books halfway through.  I have never understood people who, once the start a book, insist on finishing it no matter what, even if they hate it.  My sister does this, and it is a quality I find simultaneously admirable and infuriating.  I am not at all interested in reading books that I will not enjoy (although I will often set books like this aside and hope that I will be able to enjoy them someday, when I am smarter and more focused and my tastes have evolved), but I also don't want to be labeled a quitter, even though that it what I am.  I am a book quitter.  


Or, at least, I was a book quitter.  I can't really afford to be one anymore.  The rules of Cannonball do not permit half-books, and I did not think far enough ahead to include them in my amendment of the rules of Cannonball.  I am doomed, for the next year, to finish what I start.  Wish me luck.


Page count: 221
Up next: Open, by Andre Agassi




*In fact, the only thing that really made me feel uncomfortable was Dan Savage's downright gruesome description of the female genitalia.  I really would prefer never to think about it again, but suffice it to say that the phrase "hairy lasagna" was involved.

#127 - I Know I Haven't Been A Perfect Man

And I've avoided doing things I know I can

So I have been waffling back and forth a little bit on this whole Cannonball Read thing. 100 books in a year is a lot of books. But, I think I can do it. I'm really looking forward to it, actually. That being said, I have two reservations about the rules. The first is the length requirement (all books need to be at least 200 pages, short story collections must have at least six stories), the second is the no graphic novels rule. The reason these rules worry me is not that they deprive me from the opportunity to "cheat" or take the easy way out as far as the challenge goes, but that I don't like the idea that there are restrictions on what I can be reading for an entire year.

The Great Gatsby has been on my to-read list for a while and I think Cannonball Read would be a great time to get to it, however, some editions meet the 200 page requirement and some do not. So that seems a little arbitrary.

Also, even though I read very few graphic novels, I have very much been looking forward to Likewise by Ariel Schrag. It's the last in a series and I would probably have gotten to it already but I haven't been able to track it down.

Do you see my problem? Most of the books on the list I've made for Cannonball so far meet all the requirements, but even so, I don't like the idea of doing a reading challenge that actually prevents me from reading certain things that I want to read. What if I find Likewise in Chapters one day but can't read it because it is against the rules and I am to busy reading 200 page, strictly text-based novels? That would be the worst.

Would it be sacrilege for me to modify the rules slightly by making the page limit thing a little more flexible, and allowing a certain number of graphic novels. Like five, or something?

I don't want to take the easy way out, but I also want to be able to read the things I want to read.

#126 - I Don't Know Why

There's no sun up in the sky

I went and saw A Single Man this afternoon at the Bytowne, which is my favourite movie theatre ever. It was so, so sad and so, so good. I heard a review describe the way he felt at the end of the movie as the way you feel after a really long cry, which is an incredibly apt description that I wish I had though of myself. The movie is sad, but instead of being depressing it is kind of cathartic.

It is also aesthetically beautiful in a way that I haven't seen in a long time. Tom Ford directed it, so I guess I shouldn't be surprised at how gorgeous everything is. The clothes are absolutely amazing. Look at Julianne Moore. Just look at her.












Is that not the most glamourous thing you have ever seen? Even though she is kind of teary? Her cigarettes are pink, for Christ's sake. Also, look at her freckle-y arms. I am incredibly jealous of people who have freckles.

Also, every single man who is onscreen for more than 2 seconds in this film is completely beautiful.

Colin Firth. Beautiful.

Matthew Goode. Beautiful.

Nicholas Hoult. Beautiful.

Lee Pace. Beautiful.

Whoever this guy is.










Beautiful.

Even Jon Hamm, who you don't even see, you only hear his voice (which is incredibly distinctive, I recognized it right away), is beautiful. It is ridiculous. All the women are beautiful too, but that is pretty standard. A lot of movies are filled with great looking women and comparatively average looking dudes. Tom Ford discriminates against unattractive people of all genders, equally. I appreciate that.

The lesson, I suppose, is that more gay men should direct movies.

#125 - Quit Your Stalling

snow is falling
friends are calling you

I am kind of scaling back Christmas this year. My wrapping paper budget has shrunk significantly, for example. Having said that, I still love Christmas. I love it so much. I know for a fact that some of the people reading this don't feel the same way, and that baffles me. Is it really so hard to just embrace the spirit of the season? Is it? NO! And once you do you will be happy, goddammit. So fall in line and get cheery.

My favourite things about Christmas are the lights and the food and the togetherness, but I also enjoy presents. I like giving them, I like getting them, I like wrapping them. What I do not like is thoughtless, forced gift giving. I don't really believe that Christmas has a dark side but if it did, that would be it. I think the pressure to find gifts for every single person you know is the worst. I believe it is best to give presents sparingly and to give them well. This is a difficult proposition, and something I often fail to do, but it is important to have goals in life.

The ideal present is one that the receiver would never think of to ask for, but once they have it it is something they cannot imagine living without. However, figuring out what that thing is can be difficult, and so sometimes I think cheating is okay. That is where wishlists come in. Wishlists are almost as fun as presents themselves, frankly. You can learn so much about a person by seeing what kind of gifts they want, and you can learn so much about yourself by thinking about the things you want. It doesn't even have to be things that you think you are likely to get, it's just kind of an interesting excercise. Often I am pleasantly surprised by how few things I want or need that I don't already have and that, in itself, is very Christmas-y!

I just love Christmas so much.

Things I Would Like for Christmas, 2009 Edition

• wool socks
• a external disc drive, because poor Lavinia's is broken
• a large piece of burlap
• a haircut
  
• a book you think I might like that isn't too difficult or school-y
  
• Hilroy notebooks
• a round trip ticket from Ottawa to Toronto
  
• a typewriter
  
• long underwear
  
• a copy of The Sound and the Fury by William Faulkner
• a bulletin board for my wall in Ottawa
• a cheapo CD player so I can play music in my bedroom
• an armchair

That's all I can think of. See? It's not a very long list, and some of it is ridiculous. I think you guys should all make lists too, because of how fun and interesting it is.

#124 - In The Wintertime

keep your feet warm

Dear Whoever Is Reading This (which I hope to God is not very many people),

Hey, everyone! It's me! Remember me? I used to write on this thing all the time. There were a lot of lists, and typos (a lot of typos), and lame jokes. Sometimes I would write about a funny thing that happened. Remember when I did that, guys?

Anyways, I always felt kind of ambivalent about the whole "having a blog" thing. Like, I would always call it a blurg, or a blarg, instead of a blog. And when I found out that people read it that I didn't know about I would get kind of embarrassed and uncomfortable. And if someone asked me if I had one I would always lie. Because it is embarrassing. Like, I don't waste enough of my time thinking all these inane thoughts, I have to record them and post them in a public place, too? And I expect people to be interested? It's completely ridiculous.

That being said, I also kind of like having a blurg. I like being able to talk to all of my favourite people at once, I like making stupid lists and lame jokes, I like picking out song lyrics for the titles, and I like being able to add as many stupid footnotes as I want. Also, I like looking over all the posts I've made over the past three years and remembering things that happened, even of a lot of it is really boring and kind of mortifying. I like reading the stuff you guys write, too.

So I think maybe I will start doing it again. If you guys promise to read it, and also promise not to tell anybody else about it. And if anyone is reading it who I don't know about, please tell me that you are here. Otherwise I might accidentally say something mean about you, or give out my social insurance number or something. I hope no one is here in an effort to gather enough information about me that you can steal my identity, because you will probably succeed and then I will be left to find myself a new identity, which would no doubt be exhausting.

See how I'm rambling and over-using italics? It's my first post in eight months, but clearly everything is exactly like it was before!

Sincerely hoping you don't steal her identity and italicizingly yours,

Clair



P.S. Pretty much the entire reason I came back here was to post a Christmas wish list because my sister requested one, but I got all distracted by my earnestness and the disconnectedness of my thoughts. So a Christmas list tomorrow, I guess.

#123 - They'll Be Watching Over All Of Us

the international professionals

I finished As Simple As Snow by Gregory Galloway last night an am now being driven crazy because the ending was completely unsatisfying. I am not sure if the answers are in there and I just have to think harder in order to find them, or if it was all meant to be open for interpretation. If it is the former than I am mildly irritated. If it is the latter then that is infuriating. The whole thing is kind of infuriating anyway, actually, because I kind of feel like I could have just re-read a John Green book and it would have been just as though provoking, more fun, and not nearly as frustrating. But maybe I just haven't put enough effort into As SImple As Snow. I don't know.

Speaking of reading, every summer I work at the bookstore and end up bringing home way more books than I actually end up reading. So, this summer I am going to try to read books that I already own but haven't read yet.

(An Incomplete List Of) Books I Own But Haven't Read Yet

• The Alchemist
• Autograph Man
• Clara Callan
• Cryptonomicon
• A Farewell to Arms
• Girl with a Pearl Earring
• The God of Small Things
• A Good Man Is Hard to Find and Other Stories
• Jane Eyre
• Log from the Sea of Cortez
• Notes from a Small Island
• Poisonwood Bible
• Running with Scissors
• A Spot of Bother
• Tanglewreck
• The Unbearable Lightness of Being
• White Teeth
• Wuthering Heights

This post has been EDITED so that I might share with you some exciting news: PTwitty just used the correct form of the word "their" for the first time ever while asking "Who wants their PTwitty TV?". Probably because he is LOCKED IN.

#122 - I Like That Boom Boom Pow

them chickens jackin' my style
they try to copy my swagger
I'm on that next shit now

Today has been such a good day! It feels like today I accomplished things but also got to spend a lot of time lounging around, which is a difficult balance to strike.

Things I Did Today

• renewed my lisence and got my new photo ID picture taken
• visited with Theresa and Chris and Greg
• read a few chapters of As Simple As Snow, which I am making my way through more slowly than I expected
• made pizza for supper
• ate and awesome, Kenzie-made ice cream sandwich for dessert
• listened to a Kenzie-made CD (hence the title of this post)
• watched Watchmen, which was great (even though I spent a great deal of it with my hands over my eyes)

Clearly it takes very little to fill me with a sense of accomplishment. I have yet to accomplish unpacking, for instance. But that is on my to-do list for tomorrow along with reading more and going to play pool with Jamie in the afternoon. I am perfectly content to live a life of leisure until I start work on Monday.