Invincible summer.

#129 - Load the Car and Write the Note

2010-04-13T12:13:00.000-06:00

Grab your bag and grab your coat
Tell the ones that need to know
We are headed north

This is going to be my last post on Invincible Summer, because I am switching over to tumblr. It's not really a big deal, everything is going to be pretty similar (even the background!), but it is making me kind of sad. A few months ago when I decided to start writing on here again I went back and re-read a bunch of my old posts. A lot of them are pretty painful to read, but it is kind of cool to have documentation about what was going on that I felt was worthy of writing about over the course of the past three years. I started out, and remain, kind of ambivalent about the whole having-a-blog thing, but I like writing things for my friends to read so I guess I'll just keep doing it.

I can't believe this thing has existed for three years.

Anyway, I am switching over because most of the blogs I read now are on tumblr and it is just easier to keep track of things this way. I probably would have done it sooner but it has taken me a while to figure out how to set everything up in a way that I like. A lot of tumblrs are pretty multimedia based and not very good for long blocks of text, so finding a good layout took forever. It turns out I am pretty picky about that kind of thing, which I wasn't really aware of before. I still don't like the way the archives work, and I'm still figuring out how comments are going to work, but I think it's going to be good. Oh, and I changed the name.

Here is the new thing. Come visit.

Cannonball - Book 18

2010-04-02T23:16:00.000-06:00

Drinking: A Love Story by Caroline Knapp

I was going to start reading Their Eyes Were Watching God on the bus yesterday but the prose was difficult and I was having trouble focusing, so I started this instead. I picked it up because someone on the Slate podcast (it was either Meghan O'Roarke or Katie Roiphe) I listened to about The Night of the Gun recommended Drinking: A Love Story as an example of a memoir that was a little more insightful about the motivations and emotional implications of addiction, so I picked it up.

It's a good book. It didn't have the same level of drama or insanity that The Night of the Gun had (there are no guns at all in Knapp's story, for one), but I found it more compelling, somehow. Knapp is a different kind of addict than Carr. Carr did crazy things and his life visible began to desintegrate; he lost his job, he was arrested multiple times, he engaged in some pretty significant criminal activity. Despite being a serious alcoholic for 20 years Knapp always managed to at least keep up the appearance that she had her life together. She continued to succeed professionally the entire time she is drinking and very few people, except those she was very close to, even knew she had a problem. That is just more interesting to me for some reason. I guess it is because anyone can just go crazy and screw up their lives but only a very specific kind of person can get blackout drunk almost daily for two decades and still maintain the appearance that nothing is wrong.

Page count: 254
Up next: The Eyre Affair by Jasper Fforde

Cannonball - Book 17

2010-04-01T13:38:00.002-06:00

With Love and Squalor: 14 Writers Respond to the Work of J.D. Salinger edited by Kip Kotzen and Thomas Beller

This book was pretty uneven, quality-wise. There are a few essays that I really loved--Amy Sohn's "Franny and Amy" and Thomas Beller's "The Salnger Weather" were standouts--but overall the bad outweighed the good. Maybe the problem is that, while I like Salinger, I have never been able to understand people who looooooove Salinger. I wanted to, I really did. When I read The Catcher in the Rye for the first time in grade nine I guess I was expecting it to change my life or something, because that is what everyone said would happen, and instead it just turned out to be a novel I more or less enjoyed. Maybe I didn't read closely enough, or maybe I was not feeling sufficiently alienated. I don't know.

So, the essays were a little hit or miss. Whatever. The part of the book I really want to talk about is the writing in the margins. Here are some things I know about the person who wrote in the margins of this book: 1) She has good penmanship (in a feminine, curly way, so I am going to assume the comment writer is a woman), and 2) She is an asshole.

I don't know who this woman is, but I hate her. First of all, she was writing in a library book, which is uncool. And second, she was writing stupid, snarky bullshit that wasn't even about the content of the essays. For example: she circled the word 'demise' on page 20, and wrote in the margin "terrible word choice--it's a legal euphemism for the death of a sovereign--as in "demise of the Crown". Worst person ever, right? For one thing, she is using a completely outdated definition of the word 'demise' (yeah, I looked it up), and even if she were right I have no idea why she would have felt the need to write a correction in the margins of a book that doesn't even belong to her. Is she just showing off for future borrowers? Her handwriting is all over the book and she never writes a single interesting thing. She is just arguing semantics with no one in particular. It is obnoxious as hell.

Page count: 194
Up next: ~~Their Eyes Their Were Watching God~~ ~~by Zora Neale Hurston~~ Drinking: A Love Story by Caroline Knapp

Cannonball - Book 16

2010-03-27T00:57:00.000-06:00

The Night of the Gun by David Carr

Another memoir. I know. I have been going memoir crazy. This one is no story-of-a-fun-loving-Mormon-girl-trying-to-make-it-on-her-own-in-New-York-City though. This one has darkness in its heart. It has intravenous drug use and multiple arrests and domestic violence and and babies in harms way and all kinds of other nightmarish things. In the words of Hunter S. Thompson, frequently quoted by my father: "Bad craziness".

This is not the kind of thing I would normally pick up, as I am someone who tries to avoid bad craziness in all it's many forms. But the guy lived to write about it, so I knew it wouldn't end to badly, and when you are reading two books a week for a whole year sometimes you need to branch out a bit. Life can't be all pop culture criticism and murder mysteries all the time, unfortunately. And drug addiction kind of fascinates me.

The Night of the Gun offers a twist on the traditional addiction memoir formula. Carr did not just write down his memories of being an cocaine addict and alcoholic, in part because, unsurprisingly. he actually remembers very little. Instead he uses his skills as a reporter (he writes for the New York Times now) to thoroughly investigate and document that time of his life. He goes through government documents and police reports, newspaper clippings (mostly of his own writing), and conducts interviews on video with anyone he could find who knew him while he was an addict. It's an interesting premise, with pretty significant strengths and weaknesses.

I admire Carr's courage. It would not have been easy to listen to his old friends recount stories of what an destructive asshole he was. (And he really was one. He not only does drugs, but deals, and fights, and beats his girlfriends, and neglects his children. He was scum, basically.) And he is incredibly honest about all of it, even the stuff that makes him look really bad. He writes, for the most part, with humour and without sentiment (except when he is talking about his family, at which point he becomes downright sappy) so that the book, even in its most unpleasant moments, is incredibly readable.

Despite all of that, I am not sure whether I really liked the book or not. For a while after I finished it I couldn't really figure out what it was that had rubbed me a little bit the wrong way, until I listened to a discussion about the book on Slate's Audio Book Club*. They made the point that, while Carr does a great job getting the facts of his story straight, the book is pretty lacking in any actual insight about his experiences. The discusses his addiction like it is just a fact of life, a given, and does provide much information about how he got there in the first place. The describes, or rather relates his ex-girlfriends' descriptions, of the domestic abuse he committed, but never delves into why he did it, other than the fact that he was drunk or high at the time. It is a little irritating, to spend so much time reading about Carr and then to realize how little of himself he has actually revealed.

The second half drags a little bit. Eventually Carr gets sober, becomes a single parent to his twin daughters, gets back into journalism and becomes very successful, and gets married. It is touching certainly, but Carr does not write about it as compellingly as he does the coke-fueled trips on private planes and the drug deals nearly-gone-wrong. It was nice, during the insanity and misery of the book's first half, to know that second half was there though. I don't know if I could have stuck it out through all the bad craziness without that reassurance.

Page count: 400
Up next: With Love and Squalor edited by Kip Kotzen and Thomas Beller

*Slate does some kind of the best podcasting around, by the way. Top notch. And there are a ton of them.

Cannonball - Book 15

2010-03-26T23:56:00.000-06:00

The New York Regional Mormon Singles Halloween Dance by Elna Baker

I just don't get the whole religion thing. And by "the whole religion thing" I really just mean "religion, generally speaking". I don't get it at all. There are parts of it that make sense to me. I can understand wanting to believe in some kind of higher power, and even actually believing in one. And I can understand wanting some kind of explanation of the unexplainable. I don't understand all the bizarre rules and restrictions though. I know that not all religions have crazy rules, but a lot of them do. Mormonisn definitely does.

No drinking, no drugs, no caffeine, no swearing, no sex before marriage (actually, according to Elna Baker, no being aroused before marriage). Those are the main ones. Pretty standard, I guess, within the stricter Christian religions.

TNYRMSHD is about Elna Baker living in New York trying to navigate all the rules. I really liked it. I liked Baker's writing and I liked her. But I also found it incredibly frustrating at times because the rules do not make any sense to me at all, and a lot of the time is seemed like they didn't make sense to Baker either. She breaks almost all of them (or pushes them to the furthest and most liberal stretches of there interpretations), at one point or another. Except for the drug one. She remains kind of tangled up in it all, though. The reason she sticks with it is because of her family, and because she really does believe in, and has a relationship with, God. He-with-a-capital-H is a positive force in her life. I get that, and am even kind of envious of that, but it's unfortunate the the God thing comes a long with so much arbitrary bullshit, you know?

Anyway. This was a good book. You would like it, I bet. And if you read it then we can talk about it for real. So read it, okay?

Or, at the very least, listen to this TSOYA interview Elna Baker did. She's funny. I bet you will end up having kind of a crush on her.

Page count: 272
Up next: The Night of the Gun by David Carr

Cannonball - Book 14

2010-03-26T22:21:00.000-06:00

The Great Gatsby by F. Scott Fitzgerald

The Great Gatsby is one of those books that I feel like I should have read ages ago, or at the very least, I should have had been more familiar with the specifics of the story. Like, Hamlet or The Catcher in the Rye or the Bible or something. They get referenced so much in cultural conversation that, even if you've never read them page for page, you at least have a pretty good gist of what they are about.

Here are the things I knew going in:
-There is a guy named Gatsby and he is in love with Daisy
-There is some sort of class/wealth element that I was pretty unclear about
-Something about Gatsby being a self-made man

That's about it. I wasn't actually wrong about any of it, but the picture is pretty vague. After reading the book, though, I'm actually not surprised at how little I knew about the plot going in to it. The plot isn't really the point. This is one of those books that is about theme.

I know, right? Ugh. The Powers That Be could probably revoke my right to study English for saying this, but books about theme are pretty much the worst... Actually, that may be a little unfair. Let me rephrase: books that focus entirely on theme at the expense of a good plot and interesting characters are pretty much the worst. I just have no patience for them. They are boring.

The Great Gatsby is walking a pretty fine line, because it's plot is borderline ridiculous and almost every single character is a terrible person. If it were not for the narrator, who may or may not be named Nick, I cannot remember, reading this book would have been a terrible nightmare. Thankfully, I liked Nick (I am just going to keep calling him that because I am typing this while the internet is down and I already returned the book to the library) a lot. At the very beginning of the book he describes himself as someone who does not pass judgment on other people, and he sticks to that, which is admirable. If I had been hanging out with those people I would have been judging the hell out of them all the time, because they are shallow and uncaring and just generally awful.

I'm saying all of this stuff about unlikable characters like it is a flaw in Fitzgerald's writing, but it isn't. It's kind if the point of the book actually. Fitzgerald is trying to make a point about class and society and America and I guess he does a pretty good job of making it. It's just not a point I am particularly interested in. The book is so fundamentally American, and so concerned with a specific place and time, that I feel like it has nothing to do with me. I'm glad I read it--I liked Nick, there were certain passages that I thought were great, and it is one of the books that you kind of just have to read at some point--but I can't imagine wanting to revisit it any time soon.

Page count: 153
Up next: The New York Regional Mormon Singles Halloween Dance by Elna Baker

#128 - What About Them?

2010-03-26T14:50:00.000-06:00

I'm all about them

I am no longer behind on my reading, but I am getting very behind on my writing. Which is annoying. So by the end of the day today I vow to write posts for books 14-16.

I'm totally going to do it... as soon as I watch the new episode of Community.

Cannonball - Book 13

2010-03-21T14:18:00.000-06:00

The Mysteries of Pittsburgh by Michael Chabon

I would have been really bummed if I ended up disliking this book. For one thing, I want to love Michael Chabon as much as everyone says I should love Michael Chabon. Also, I think that The Mysteries of Pittsburgh is a really great title, and it is always sad when something doesn't live up to the goodness of it's title. Thankfully, I did really like this book, so it turns out I had nothing to worry about. It's not a perfect book, but some of it is so great that I am willing to overlook a lot of other flaws.

There is a love triangle and new friendships and a lot of drinking and a lot of description of Pittsburgh in the summertime. Those things I liked. The things I didn't like include this awful woman named Phlox who the main character is dating even though she has no redeeming qualities whatsoever** and a secondary story involving the mafia, which felt kind of forced in an otherwise pretty straightforward coming of age story. The mafia thing ties in with a rocky-relationship-between-father-and-son thing and I kind of lost patience with both.

Chabon's writing is so good, though, that even the parts of the book I didn't like were engrossing. This book was published when he was twenty-five years old. No one should be able to write this well when they are twenty-five years old. It's unfair.

Page count: 297
Up next: The Great Gatsby by F. Scott Fitzgerald

*I suppose it helps that it was ridiculously warm in Ottawa for most of this week and I was feeling pretty summery to begin with. I was thinking the other day about how I never used to spend much time thinking about the seasons, and now I am kind of obsessed with them. I feel like I am a different person in the summer than I am in the winter, and different again in spring, and again in the fall. It all used to run together, but now I find their seperate-ness kind of comforting.
**Phlox! I know. The fact that I hate her is not really a flaw in Chabon's writing, but I feel like the fact that I hate her so much is worth noting. I can't really tell if I am supposed to hate her or not, but I do.

Cannonball - Book 12

2010-03-18T17:03:00.000-06:00

Wishful Drinking by Carrie Fisher

Wishful Drinking was adapted from Carrie Fisher's one-woman show, so it can't really be called a memoir. It is more just a collection of crazy things that happened to her, like a regular celebrity memoir, but an only-the-good-parts version. I think more books by celebrities should be like this. I guess it probably helps that Fisher is actually a good writer.

Remember a few weeks ago when I told you guys how crazy Nathan Rabin's life is? Well, his life is nothing compared to Carrie Fisher's. I can't even begin to explain it to you. You should probably just read the book. It's short, the print is big, and I guarantee you that you will learn at least one awesome thing about Bob Dylan and several awesome things about Debbie Reynolds. That lady is great! Who knew?

Page count: 163
Up next: The Mysteries of Pittsburgh by Michael Chabon

Cannonball - Book 11

2010-03-18T16:46:00.000-06:00

Farewell, My Lovely by Raymond Chandler

Farewell, My Lovely is actually the second of Chandler's Philip Marlowe novels. I went to the library in search of the first, The Big Sleep*, but it wasn't there, so I started with number two. I don't think it makes much of a difference, really. I don't think there is a single character that carries over from the first book to the second, except for Marlowe himself.

I can't help but compare this book to The Maltese Falcon, which I read a couple of months ago. I really both of them--I am kind of a sucker for the whole hard-boiled detective thing, I guess--but I think Philip Marlowe works better as a main character than I liked Sam Spade*. He seems like less of a caricature and more of a real person. The love story, such as it is, in The Maltese Falcon didn't really work for me because Spade seemed so utterly devoid of emotion. Marlowe is more... vulnerable, I guess is the word I'm looking for, even though it sounds lame and cliched. He has this great line about slippers that made me fall in love with him a little bit. I can't quite remember it now, but if you ever read this book you should keep an eye out for it.

I was kind of surprised at how much action the book had. I guess never really think of the detectives in these kinds of novels every doing anything except sitting in their office smoking and drinking and flirting with their secretary. Marlowe does a lot of stuff. He drives around, he gets held hostage and shot up with heroin, he breaks onto a boat. He gets hit in the face an astonishing number of times. He doesn't even have a secretary.

I wouldn't have minded a little less action, frankly. I really like it in books and movies when people just sit around talking.***

Page count: 304
Up next: Wishful Drinking by Carrie Fisher

*Mainly because I feel like I should read it before watching The Big Lebowski for the first time. Everyone loves The Big Lebowski so much, I am kind of excited that I haven't seen it yet.
**It's funny, both characters were played in movies by Humphrey Bogart, so when I picture them in my mind they look identical. Identically awesome.
***I expressed a similar opinion to Greg the other day with regards to the Star Trek movie. He looked at me like I was crazy.

Cannonball - Book 10

2010-03-12T16:18:00.001-06:00

My Life in France by Julia Child with Alex Prud'homme

Julia Child did not start learning to cook until she was in her mid-thirties. She became a television start in her fifties. As a twenty-one year old who has no direction in life, I find these facts incredibly encouraging. Maybe that's the reason I liked the first half of the book so much more than the second half. I loved reading about her discovery of what she wanted to be doing with her life, and all the work she did to make it happen. Julia Child was incredibly ambitious and incredibly driven. Those are qualities I admire.

The first half of the book also takes place in Paris, and I think I could read about Paris for the rest of my life and never get bored with it. At one point she talks about the proprieter of a cheese shop so brilliant that if you went in to buy some Camembert she would ask you when you were planning on eating it and then choose the wheel of cheese that would be perfect in exactly that amount of time. She would choose differently if you were eating it right away, for lunch, or with supper later that night. Can you imagine? That's amazing.

Once the Child's moved away from Paris they moved to Marseille, then Germany, the Washington, then Norway, and then to Cambridge, Mass. I kind of started to lose interest during all of this moving around. It happened while Julia was working on the first volume of Mastering the Art of French Cooking*, and reading about someone working on a cookbook is not the most fascinating thing in the world, generally speaking. Writing a cookbook sounds like absolute torture to me, especially the way Julia did it, so thorough. I admire her, but it seems like it would have been exceptionally tedious.

Aside from the tedium though, Julia Child pretty much has the greatest life of all time. She spent all of her days cooking and thinking about food, her husband was super cool (obviously, otherwise Stanley Tucci would not have played him in a movie** and she had one of the greatest kitchens I have ever seen.

When I grow up I want to be Julia Child. CASE CLOSED.

Page count: 339
Up next: Farewell, My Lovely by Raymond Chandler

*Buckley just got this book. The French onion soup recipe she made was delicious (although they overflowed a little in the oven which led to a small fire later, when we were trying to make chocolate cake).
**Although the fact that Stanley Tucci just played a rapist/murdering in The Lovely Bones seems to indicate a flaw in my logic here.

Cannonball - Book 9

2010-03-09T00:18:00.000-06:00

The Big Rewind: A Memoir Brought to You by Pop Culture by Nathan Rabin

I don't really read The Onion. I'm not sure why, because I really like The Onion, but generally just scanning the headlines is enough so satisfy my itch for satirical news*. However, I read The A.V. Club pretty religiously. It is one of my favourite places on the whole internet for pop culture writing (and I say that as someone who spends a lot of time reading about pop culture on the internet). The Big Rewind is the memoir of Nathan Rabin, The A.V. Club's head writer. Imagine, if you will, what the life story of such a person might have been like... Nathan Rabin's life has been nothing like what you just pictured. Nathan Rabin's life has been crazy.

He was kidnapped by his mother.

He attempted suicide by taking a bottle of caffeine pills.

He spends most of his teenage years in a group home for emotionally disturbed boys.

The group home chapters are my favourite part of the book. Rabin's descriptions of his time there, and especially of the other boys in the home, are really funny and touching and strange: "Now, I don't want to suggest that the people I grew up with were feral subliterates. But the people I grew up with were feral subliterates".

The rest of the book, while still enjoyable, is less compelling. I can't really figure out why though. It is hard to top the antics of emotionally disturbed boys, I guess. It's not as if Rabin goes to college and all of a sudden stops getting caught up in bizarre situations. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that, after a while, all the weirdness that goes on can't be blamed on unfortunate circumstances anymore. Most of the time if you are an adult and your life is crazy it is because you are making your life crazy. No one forced you into getting sad, $200 dollar handjobs, or into taking mushrooms before going the Ann Frank Museum, Rabin. You did that yourself.

Although, he ended up with pretty much the coolest job on the planet so maybe his judgment is not as bad as he makes it out to be.

I am getting a little bit behind on my reading! I am about 2/3 of the way through book ten right now. I would love to just sit down and power through it, but school has been getting in the way this week, and will continue to do so for the next couple of days. After this midterm is over and this paper is finished I am going to have to read like a madwoman to catch up.

Page count: 368
Up next: My Life in France by Julia Child with Alex Prud'homme

*This is the best one I've seen lately.

Cannonball - Book 8

2010-02-27T18:13:00.001-06:00

The School of Essential Ingredients by Erica Bauermeister

I actually read a big chunk of this book at the same time as I was making my way through The Sound and the Fury. Up until now in my Cannonball reading I have made it a point not to start a new book until I was 100% finished reading the previous one, mainly stave off the curse of book-abandonment that has plagued most of my reading career, but also because it would complicate my records*. I was forced to break this rule though because Faulkner's story was so dense, depressing and complex that sometimes I just couldn't deal with it. Intellectual disability and suicide and racism and reckless promiscuity just don't make great bedtime reading, you know?**

The School of Essential Ingredients, on the other hand, made excellent bedtime reading Unlike Faulkner (who I halfway suspect of making his book difficult on purpose, to torment me), Bauermeister required almost no effort or thought from me at all. Her book is so pleasant, so soothing. What a relief! The book is about a cooking class in which the teacher is really sweet and lovely, and so are all of the students. Everyone is nice to each other all the time. Two of them fall in love and the rest form lifelong friendships. At the beginning one of them is really sad and depressed about how becoming a mother has caused her to lose her sense of self, and I know that sounds sad, but don't even worry about it because at the end of the first chapter she eats some crab and then her life is fixed! Never before have I read a book with so little conflict! Never before have I read a book that so compelled me to use exclamation marks!

I wonder how many reviews there are comparing this book to comfort food. I bet that it's a lot. Who wouldn't be comforted by reading about a world where people are all wonderful and eating can solve all your problems? I certainly was.

William Faulkner is rolling in his grave.

Page count: 256
Up next: The Big Rewind by Nathan Rabin (which I have actually already finished)

*Keeping detailed records has been an infinitely satisfying offshoot of the Cannonball experience so far. I'll tell you about it sometime.
**Actually, reckless promiscuity sometimes makes for great bedtime reading, just not in this case. Also, while your all the way down here in the footnotes, I might as well acknowledge the fact that I have discussed the content of The Sound and the Fury more in this review, the one for a completely different novel, than I did in my actual review of The Sound and the Fury. Sorry. That's just how it goes sometimes.

Cannonball - Book 7

2010-02-27T16:41:00.002-06:00

The Sound and the Fury by William Faulkner

I can't think of anything interesting to say about this book. This is unfortunate not only because it is going to make writing this post difficult, because it is entirely possible I will have to write about it on my English final as well. At least the people reading this (all three of you) aren't going to give me a grade. Unless you are weirdos*.

I normally shy away from reading anything regarded as a classic. This is partly because I am exceptionally lazy and in my mind classic = difficult, but also, secretly, it is because I am a little bit afraid that I just won't get what is so great about the classic in question and my dull-wittedness will be revealed to the word at last. Reading The Sound and the Fury** did nothing to assuage these fears. I'm glad that I had to read this for class. If it hadn't been for that I don't think I would have gotten through the first two parts (which are kind of incomprehensible), and I did end up... I think "enjoying" might be the wrong word for how I feel about this book, but I found it satisfying and the class discussions have been really interesting. This is the kind of book you really have to work and I appreciate the opportunity to talk about it with a bunch of other people who found it as perplexing as I did at the beginning.

Page count: 328
Up Next: The School of Essential Ingredients by Erica Bauermeister

*A possibility that I certainly haven't ruled out.

**What a great title, huh? I think it is a line from Macbeth, but I'm not going to check. See earlier comment re: my laziness.

Cannonball - Book 6

2010-02-17T01:41:00.003-06:00

The Polysyllabic Spree by Nick Hornby

This is not the book I was planning to read next (I know that I said that is was the book I was planning to read next, but I didn't write that last post until after I had changed my mind.) I read the first 50 or so pages of The Big Rewind by Nathan Rabin, and liked it, but I was not in a good enough mood this weekend to read a memoir about depression and so I moved on. This book was the perfect thing to read instead, for several reasons. The two most important being that: a) it is short and relatively light, and b) it is pretty inspiring, reading-wise.

Short is good, because, even though I like that Bryson book, it was kind of a slog. And up next is The Sound and the Fury, another slog. I needed a non-slog in between to gain confidence in my ability to read more than two pages at a time without falling asleep or putting the book down to watch an episode of Deadwood*. Once, my dad and I were talking about the reasons everyone loves The Time Traveler's Wife so much and dad said he thought it's because Audrey Niffinegger's prose is friendly. I think friendly might be the perfect way to describe Hornby's style. It is inviting, and that makes it easy to read. The knowledge that there are more of Hornby's words on page after page is comforting as opposed to daunting. Nick Hornby is lovely company.

Hornby's Believer columns have an improbable dual effect: they inspire me to read more and to read better books, but do so without making me feel guilty about the books I do read or the books that I haven't read. Does that make any sense? The disparities between Hornby's lists of Books Bought and Books Read make me feel better about all of the un-read books on my bookshelf (or, the book section of my floor, as is the case in my Ottawa bedroom.) His admission that he finds books boring, even though they are the most reliably satisfying cultural experiences he has, was incredibly comforting also. Finally someone admits the truth! Out of all the things that I love, I think I love the books that I love best of all, but reading is hard work. Hornby remindes me that it is worth it. He makes me want to put the time in to Dickens and Checkov and Tobias Wolff. He even makes me think that reading a little poetry now and then would not be unreasonable. But I have to get through Faulkner first.

Page count: 147
Up next: The Sound and the Fury by William Faulkner

*I had sort of been putting off watching Deadwood for a long time. I knew that I would have to watch it eventually, because it is the kind of show that anyone who loves and watches as much television as I do has to read eventually, but I was kind of avoiding it because it seemed so unpleasant. But I watched the pilot this weekend in a fit of procrastination and I haven't been able to stop. It is brilliant and hilarious and smart and sad and the swearing in it is inspired. Sometimes I have to skip the particularly violent parts because I am a wimp but for the most part it Deadwood is exceedingly watchable.

Cannonball - Book 5

2010-02-16T17:32:00.003-06:00

Mother Tongue by Bill Bryson

I don't really have anything to say about this book. I liked it, although it didn't include a lot of information I didn't get out of Intro to Linguistics. It had a lot of jokes based on the idiosyncrasies of the English language, and I like those. The book is from 1990, so there is not anything having to do with language in the internet era, which is something I have been pondering a lot recently. I'm sure a lot has been written about it too, I just haven't sought it out.* Are the languages of the world eventually going to meld together to form a super-language because barriers in communication are disappearing? Is English going to take over? I hope not. The art of the trilled 'r' would be lost forever.

In sort of general, reading-related news, I'm a little surprised at how much non-fiction I have read so far, and at how much I have on my to-read list. I've been enjoying it all, but I am beginning to crave a novel. Unfortuantely, due to academic obligations, that novel is going to be The Sound and the Fury. I read a few pages of the other day and then put down because I couldn't figure out what the hell was going on. So that's alarming. I have to have it finished by next week, but I'm just gonna read a little Nick Horby first, kay?

Page count:272
Up next: The Polysyllabic Spree by Nick Hornby

*I just had to use Google, because I could not remember what the past tense of 'seek' was. How apropos.

Cannonball - Book 4

2010-02-10T22:47:00.000-06:00

A Study in Scarlet by Arthur Conan Doyle

This is the first book that comes in under the 200 page mark. I really liked it, but I think I would have liked it better if I read it when I was younger. When I was thirteen or so (I think, around then) I read almost nothing but Agatha Christie novels. Eventually I moved on to other mysteries but I always liked the old-fashioned, British ones best. I am not sure why, but I think it had to do with how stoic the characters were. To the detectives the murder was never anything but a puzzle, and to everyone else it was a minor inconvenience. Like, "Oh, how unfortunate I am suspected to be a murderer, it shall interfere with my plans to go riding".

The book is split into two parts. The first follows Holmes and Watson as they solve the mystery and the second goes back and tells the story of the murderer and his victims. I was not a fan of this particular structure. Conan Doyle spent the entire first half of the novel making me curious about Sherlock Holmes and then, in the second half, abandoned Holmes entirely in favor of a couple or Mormans and a vengeful red-faced guy. Lame. Especially since Mormon's story didn't really inform the murder solving much. It's not that I didn't care about them, it's just that the transition was a little too abrupt and clumsy.

All of the Sherlock Holmes parts made it worth it though. I see why he is such an iconic character. He's awesome.

Page count: 146
Up next: Mother Tongue by Bill Bryson

Cannonball - Book 3

2010-02-05T15:41:00.001-06:00

Eating the Dinosaur by Chuck Klosterman

I have mixed feelings about the writing of Chuck Klosterman. On one hand I feel like much of it is a little self-indulgent and ridiculous. On the other hand, I think the ridiculous stuff to be the most interesting of it all. Often when reading Klosterman's work I find my self moving pretty rapidly between boredom and total absorption. Just when I am on the verge of giving up on the book entirely because he has been going on for several pages about college football (or time travel, or the earnestness of Rivers Cuomo) without saying anything particularly hilarious or interesting Klosterman will make a point so concise and interesting that I cannot believe I ever thought if giving up on him. For example, one of my favourite parts of the book comes at the end of my least favourite essay*. The essay was about football, but this is the quote:

Football allows the intellectual part of my brain to evolve, but it allows the emotional part to remain unchanged. It has a liberal cerebellum and a reactionary heart. And this is all I want from everything, all the time, always.

It's an incredibly astute and relatable sentiment, and it makes me glad I spent a little while reading about something I found slightly dull. Klosterman isn't always able to tie his thoughts together so well, but when he is it is totally worth it.

The book's format is a bit strange; the essays themselves are divided into shorter parts (like chapters, numbered 1, 2, 3, etc.) , and sometimes this parts are divided even further (2, 2A, 2B). It's an interesting choice, and it took some getting used to, but I think it works. They make the essays feel a little more focused and organized, his (often bizarre points) become a little easier to follow. Everything truly tangential is put into footnotes. I think we all know how I feel about footnotes**.

Of all the Chuck Klosterman books I've read I think this one may be my favourite. I also have Fargo Rock City and Downtown Owl on my Cannonball list, after which I think I will have read them all. Did you know that Craig Finn wrote the screenplay for the movie version of Fargo Rock City? I really hope that movie gets made.

Page count: 256
Up next: A Study in Scarlet by Arthur Conan Doyle

* In all fairness, the reason main I didn't like the essay is that I didn't understand most of it; there were a lot of technical details. The only reason I didn't skip it entirely is that I felt like to do so would be cheating on Cannonball. Klosterman defends his inclusion of the football essay by estimating that about 60% of his readers are intensely interested is sports, while the other 40% don't care at all. He makes up a lot of statistics like this, which I enjoy.
** Love 'em!

Cannonball - The Rules

2010-02-01T18:15:00.001-06:00

I should have written this before I started posting reviews, but I was just so gung-ho about doing the reading that I got distracted.

The Rules of Clair's Cannonball Read: January 29th, 2010-January 29th, 2011*

There is no requirement for the number of pages, but I'll try not to dip too far below 200 pages per book. Amanda and I discussed and concluded that, as long as we read at least 20,000 pages overall, it will be fine.
Re-reading books you have already read is permissible, as long as you are doing for a good reason (ex: You want to read the next book in a series, but you don't remember what happened in the previous book). I don't have any re-reading in mind, as of yet, but I don't want to count it out.
Plays and books of poetry are allowed, as long as they are of a reasonable length. The poetry books would likely contain less text than a novel or non-fiction title, but poetry is much more difficult to understand and must be read slowly, so I am calling it a draw. I rarely read poetry or plays, but I am trying to keep my options open in terms of genre and form because I fear that sometime this year I will begin to despise books that are nothing but paragraph after paragraph of words. And yes, I do realize how ridiculous that sounds.
There is no requirement for a collection of essays or short stories to include a certain number of works.
Graphic novels are allowed, but they must be substantial and I will read no more than 3 of them.

I think that is everything. Can you think of anything I may have missed?

These rules are much less strict than the official Pajiba ones (the ones that McKenzie is following). She made the (very good) point that anything the rules preclude me from reading this year will still be around for me to read after Cannonball is finished. Even though I know she is right I still worry that I will begin to rebel against the project as a whole if I start to feel too limited in what I am allowed to be reading. I think I would use it an excuse to quit, frankly. The reason I am doing this is partly because I want to challenge myself, but also because I just want to read more. Of everything. So I've decided that as long as I am reading (and writing about what I'm reading, and actaully thinking about what I'm reading) I will not worry too much about the fine print.

*This, hilariously, implies that I may do another Cannonball at a later date. At this point that seems insane to me.

Cannonball - Book 2

2010-02-01T17:35:00.002-06:00

Open by Andre Agassi

I have been really into tennis lately. It started because I am living in a household that is into tennis. I figured I might as well try to enjoy it if it was going to be on the TV all the time anyway. It is for this reason that I have also started to follow hockey, kind of. But I have now lived in Ottawa for two Grand Slams (the US Open in September and the Australian Open, which ended today) and large chunk of the NHL season and I like tennis way more than I will ever like hockey. Hockey is too impersonal, there are a lot of players and you never really see their faces. You don't get to know the players unless you invest a lot of time and attention in watching the games and in listening to other people talk about the games. Also, there is a lot of fighting, which I think is stupid.

Tennis is like the opposite of hockey in a lot of ways. The skill of professional tennis players is astounding, but it is their personalities that make them interesting. Seeing how the players react in certain situations, knowing which players have long-standing rivalries and watching them form new ones, I find it all completely fascinating. Whenever I am watching a match I find myself wondering what is going through the players heads. Unlike in team sports, once the match starts a player is totally on their own and it the idea of being so isolated and while also being under so much pressure is completely terrifying to me. Agassi talks about that a lot in Open, and his descriptions of his mental state during his matches, and his relationships with the other players, are my favourite parts of the book. Matches that take place later in the book, when he is playing people like Federer, Roddick, and Baghdatis, are especially interesting, because those are the players that I have been watching. My favourite players to watch are the ones who seem to struggle with their emotions a little bit as they play (which is why, as amazing as he is, I find Federer a little bit dull to watch sometimes), so I wish I could have seen Agassi play live.

After I finished reading the book I watched this and it made me cry:

Page count: 400
Up next: Eating the Dinosaur by Chuck Klosterman

Cannonball - Book 1

2010-01-29T17:49:00.002-06:00

Things I've Learned from Women Who've Dumped Me, edited by Ben Karlin

Originally the plan was for Amanda and I to start Cannonball on February 1st, but we got impatient and decided to start early. So our year of reading starts today and I am already finished my first book!

I decided to start off with something light, to get my confidence up. A short book of funny essays was a perfect choice. I breezed right through it. The book is a series of essays (the topic of which is explained pretty succinctly in the title) by comedians. Most of the essays were pretty good, some were not so good, some just made me feel uncomfortable*. The nice thing about a book like this is that, because the pieces are so short (there are 47 of them, in total), even when I was not really enjoying one of them I knew that I would be getting to a new one soon. It makes it easy to just keep on reading.

One of the things that worries me most about this whole endeavor is that I am a person who is prone to abandoning books halfway through. I have never understood people who, once the start a book, insist on finishing it no matter what, even if they hate it. My sister does this, and it is a quality I find simultaneously admirable and infuriating. I am not at all interested in reading books that I will not enjoy (although I will often set books like this aside and hope that I will be able to enjoy them someday, when I am smarter and more focused and my tastes have evolved), but I also don't want to be labeled a quitter, even though that it what I am. I am a book quitter.

Or, at least, I was a book quitter. I can't really afford to be one anymore. The rules of Cannonball do not permit half-books, and I did not think far enough ahead to include them in my amendment of the rules of Cannonball. I am doomed, for the next year, to finish what I start. Wish me luck.

Page count: 221
Up next: Open, by Andre Agassi

*In fact, the only thing that really made me feel uncomfortable was Dan Savage's downright gruesome description of the female genitalia. I really would prefer never to think about it again, but suffice it to say that the phrase "hairy lasagna" was involved.

#127 - I Know I Haven't Been A Perfect Man

2010-01-23T14:48:00.002-06:00

And I've avoided doing things I know I can

So I have been waffling back and forth a little bit on this whole Cannonball Read thing. 100 books in a year is a lot of books. But, I think I can do it. I'm really looking forward to it, actually. That being said, I have two reservations about the rules. The first is the length requirement (all books need to be at least 200 pages, short story collections must have at least six stories), the second is the no graphic novels rule. The reason these rules worry me is not that they deprive me from the opportunity to "cheat" or take the easy way out as far as the challenge goes, but that I don't like the idea that there are restrictions on what I can be reading for an entire year.

The Great Gatsby has been on my to-read list for a while and I think Cannonball Read would be a great time to get to it, however, some editions meet the 200 page requirement and some do not. So that seems a little arbitrary.

Also, even though I read very few graphic novels, I have very much been looking forward to Likewise by Ariel Schrag. It's the last in a series and I would probably have gotten to it already but I haven't been able to track it down.

Do you see my problem? Most of the books on the list I've made for Cannonball so far meet all the requirements, but even so, I don't like the idea of doing a reading challenge that actually prevents me from reading certain things that I want to read. What if I find Likewise in Chapters one day but can't read it because it is against the rules and I am to busy reading 200 page, strictly text-based novels? That would be the worst.

Would it be sacrilege for me to modify the rules slightly by making the page limit thing a little more flexible, and allowing a certain number of graphic novels. Like five, or something?

I don't want to take the easy way out, but I also want to be able to read the things I want to read.

#126 - I Don't Know Why

2010-01-18T23:54:00.006-06:00

There's no sun up in the sky

I went and saw A Single Man this afternoon at the Bytowne, which is my favourite movie theatre ever. It was so, so sad and so, so good. I heard a review describe the way he felt at the end of the movie as the way you feel after a really long cry, which is an incredibly apt description that I wish I had though of myself. The movie is sad, but instead of being depressing it is kind of cathartic.

It is also aesthetically beautiful in a way that I haven't seen in a long time. Tom Ford directed it, so I guess I shouldn't be surprised at how gorgeous everything is. The clothes are absolutely amazing. Look at Julianne Moore. Just look at her.

Is that not the most glamourous thing you have ever seen? Even though she is kind of teary? Her cigarettes are pink, for Christ's sake. Also, look at her freckle-y arms. I am incredibly jealous of people who have freckles.

Also, every single man who is onscreen for more than 2 seconds in this film is completely beautiful.

Colin Firth. Beautiful.

Matthew Goode. Beautiful.

Nicholas Hoult. Beautiful.

Lee Pace. Beautiful.

Whoever this guy is.

Beautiful.

Even Jon Hamm, who you don't even see, you only hear his voice (which is incredibly distinctive, I recognized it right away), is beautiful. It is ridiculous. All the women are beautiful too, but that is pretty standard. A lot of movies are filled with great looking women and comparatively average looking dudes. Tom Ford discriminates against unattractive people of all genders, equally. I appreciate that.

The lesson, I suppose, is that more gay men should direct movies.

#125 - Quit Your Stalling

2009-12-17T13:33:00.003-06:00

snow is falling
friends are calling you

I am kind of scaling back Christmas this year. My wrapping paper budget has shrunk significantly, for example. Having said that, I still love Christmas. I love it so much. I know for a fact that some of the people reading this don't feel the same way, and that baffles me. Is it really so hard to just embrace the spirit of the season? Is it? NO! And once you do you will be happy, goddammit. So fall in line and get cheery.

My favourite things about Christmas are the lights and the food and the togetherness, but I also enjoy presents. I like giving them, I like getting them, I like wrapping them. What I do not like is thoughtless, forced gift giving. I don't really believe that Christmas has a dark side but if it did, that would be it. I think the pressure to find gifts for every single person you know is the worst. I believe it is best to give presents sparingly and to give them well. This is a difficult proposition, and something I often fail to do, but it is important to have goals in life.

The ideal present is one that the receiver would never think of to ask for, but once they have it it is something they cannot imagine living without. However, figuring out what that thing is can be difficult, and so sometimes I think cheating is okay. That is where wishlists come in. Wishlists are almost as fun as presents themselves, frankly. You can learn so much about a person by seeing what kind of gifts they want, and you can learn so much about yourself by thinking about the things you want. It doesn't even have to be things that you think you are likely to get, it's just kind of an interesting excercise. Often I am pleasantly surprised by how few things I want or need that I don't already have and that, in itself, is very Christmas-y!

I just love Christmas so much.

Things I Would Like for Christmas, 2009 Edition

wool socks
a external disc drive, because poor Lavinia's is broken
a large piece of burlap
a haircut
a book you think I might like that isn't too difficult or school-y
Hilroy notebooks
a round trip ticket from Ottawa to Toronto
a typewriter
long underwear
a copy of The Sound and the Fury by William Faulkner
a bulletin board for my wall in Ottawa
a cheapo CD player so I can play music in my bedroom
an armchair

That's all I can think of. See? It's not a very long list, and some of it is ridiculous. I think you guys should all make lists too, because of how fun and interesting it is.

#124 - In The Wintertime

2009-12-16T21:29:00.002-06:00

keep your feet warm

Dear Whoever Is Reading This (which I hope to God is not very many people),

Hey, everyone! It's me! Remember me? I used to write on this thing all the time. There were a lot of lists, and typos (a lot of typos), and lame jokes. Sometimes I would write about a funny thing that happened. Remember when I did that, guys?

Anyways, I always felt kind of ambivalent about the whole "having a blog" thing. Like, I would always call it a blurg, or a blarg, instead of a blog. And when I found out that people read it that I didn't know about I would get kind of embarrassed and uncomfortable. And if someone asked me if I had one I would always lie. Because it is embarrassing. Like, I don't waste enough of my time thinking all these inane thoughts, I have to record them and post them in a public place, too? And I expect people to be interested? It's completely ridiculous.

That being said, I also kind of like having a blurg. I like being able to talk to all of my favourite people at once, I like making stupid lists and lame jokes, I like picking out song lyrics for the titles, and I like being able to add as many stupid footnotes as I want. Also, I like looking over all the posts I've made over the past three years and remembering things that happened, even of a lot of it is really boring and kind of mortifying. I like reading the stuff you guys write, too.

So I think maybe I will start doing it again. If you guys promise to read it, and also promise not to tell anybody else about it. And if anyone is reading it who I don't know about, please tell me that you are here. Otherwise I might accidentally say something mean about you, or give out my social insurance number or something. I hope no one is here in an effort to gather enough information about me that you can steal my identity, because you will probably succeed and then I will be left to find myself a new identity, which would no doubt be exhausting.

See how I'm rambling and over-using italics? It's my first post in eight months, but clearly everything is exactly like it was before!

Sincerely hoping you don't steal her identity and italicizingly yours,

Clair

P.S. Pretty much the entire reason I came back here was to post a Christmas wish list because my sister requested one, but I got all distracted by my earnestness and the disconnectedness of my thoughts. So a Christmas list tomorrow, I guess.

#123 - They'll Be Watching Over All Of Us

2009-04-30T19:12:00.005-06:00

the international professionals

I finished As Simple As Snow by Gregory Galloway last night an am now being driven crazy because the ending was completely unsatisfying. I am not sure if the answers are in there and I just have to think harder in order to find them, or if it was all meant to be open for interpretation. If it is the former than I am mildly irritated. If it is the latter then that is infuriating. The whole thing is kind of infuriating anyway, actually, because I kind of feel like I could have just re-read a John Green book and it would have been just as though provoking, more fun, and not nearly as frustrating. But maybe I just haven't put enough effort into As SImple As Snow. I don't know.

Speaking of reading, every summer I work at the bookstore and end up bringing home way more books than I actually end up reading. So, this summer I am going to try to read books that I already own but haven't read yet.

(An Incomplete List Of) Books I Own But Haven't Read Yet

The Alchemist
Autograph Man
Clara Callan
Cryptonomicon
A Farewell to Arms
Girl with a Pearl Earring
The God of Small Things
A Good Man Is Hard to Find and Other Stories
Jane Eyre
Log from the Sea of Cortez
Notes from a Small Island
Poisonwood Bible
Running with Scissors
A Spot of Bother
Tanglewreck
The Unbearable Lightness of Being
White Teeth
Wuthering Heights

This post has been EDITED so that I might share with you some exciting news: PTwitty just used the correct form of the word "their" for the first time ever while asking "Who wants their PTwitty TV?". Probably because he is LOCKED IN.

#122 - I Like That Boom Boom Pow

2009-04-29T21:59:00.003-06:00

them chickens jackin' my style
they try to copy my swagger
I'm on that next shit now

Today has been such a good day! It feels like today I accomplished things but also got to spend a lot of time lounging around, which is a difficult balance to strike.

Things I Did Today

renewed my lisence and got my new photo ID picture taken
visited with Theresa and Chris and Greg
read a few chapters of As Simple As Snow, which I am making my way through more slowly than I expected
made pizza for supper
ate and awesome, Kenzie-made ice cream sandwich for dessert
listened to a Kenzie-made CD (hence the title of this post)
watched Watchmen, which was great (even though I spent a great deal of it with my hands over my eyes)

Clearly it takes very little to fill me with a sense of accomplishment. I have yet to accomplish unpacking, for instance. But that is on my to-do list for tomorrow along with reading more and going to play pool with Jamie in the afternoon. I am perfectly content to live a life of leisure until I start work on Monday.

#121 - Nothing Isn't Nothing

2009-04-28T19:57:00.002-06:00

nothing's something that's important to me

I didn't blog yesterday. I am kind of a failure. HOWEVER, I will comfort myself with the fact that I remain less of a failure than Amanda, who missed two days (not in succession, of course).

Today my plan was to unpack and get the house in order, but instead I pretty much just watched movies all day. I watched The Puffy Chair and Funny Ha Ha and Mutual Appreciation. I think I liked The Puffy Chair the best, but Mutual Appreciation was pretty good too. Tomorrow I am actually going to unpack.

I did accomplish some grocery shopping and supper cooking today, so that's good, I guess. Compared to Kate's house the kitchen counters are awfully low and the knives are awfully dull. Also, the phone doesn't have call display, which is disconcerting, though not really kitchen related.

#120 - Don't Call It A Comeback

2009-04-27T00:04:00.002-06:00

'cause I've been here for years

I'm home!

And this blog is a little late.

But, I'm home!!

And I am sooo sleepy.

I'm hooooooome!!!

And there is no food in my house.

I'M HOOOOOOOOOOOME!!!!

And I'll write more tomorrow.

#119 - This Was A Triumph

2009-04-26T00:06:00.002-06:00

I'm making a note here: huge success
it's hard to overstate my satisfaction

It is really late and I have to get up early tomorrow to finish packing because today was my last day in Calgary. I am going home tomorrow. Guess what I am doing first thing? Family dinner. Of course. I am looking forward to the drive home with my dad and Amanda though. Amanda is here! As a surprise! It was crazy! Gee, I thought to myself, my father sure does have long hair and a blue cardigan now. And boobs. But then I realized...

#118 - We're Gonna Make Plans

2009-04-24T22:58:00.002-06:00

we have plans to make plans

Two days. Seriously? I feel unprepared.

Tonight I was looking after the boys because Kate and John went out. I had this really excellent plan in which the boys watched a movie while I went down and cleaned the basement. The only problem was that both of them watched this

earlier and were both still a little freaked out*. Jake really didn't like it when I was on a different floor than him. So instead of tidying and laundry-doing I did nephew cuddling and "Still Alive" singing. Everything really turned out for the best, I feel. Except for the fact that basement is still a mess and dad still has to sleep there tomorrow and I am not at all packed.

*At first they were really freaked out. Caleb ran upstairs screaming and crying and when we asked him what was wrong he just said (sobbed) "I SCARED MYSELF! FREAKING ILLUSIONS!!!!". We felt bad for him but it was impossible not to laugh. We asked him what he saw and he said "I don't know! I just screamed and ran!".

#117 - If You Will It Hard Enough

2009-04-23T18:54:00.002-06:00

then we all will

Three days! Here is how I am spending them:

get the house cleaned up in preparation for dad coming on Saturday
finish all my laundry
packing (!)
going to the theatre to pick up my last cheque, but...
not working because I didn't get scheduled for tomorrow night
seeing my dad for the first time in four months
trying to find all the stuff I forgot to pack the first time and then packing it
maybe going to BeadWorks? I really wish Regina had a BeadWorks
having lunch with my Grandparents
driving home*

Dad said that he will fix the hole in the wall while he is here. Here is a picture of it, for those who doubted me**:

*probably being forced to listen to all the cheap compilation CDs that dad buys at Wal-Mart so he can pay at the electronics counter instead of waiting in line
**This means you, Kenzie!

#116 - Summer and Winter

2009-04-22T23:18:00.002-06:00

winter and springtime
you heard the birds sing
everything will be fine

It is snowing. It has been snowing for hours and hours and hours and the whole thing is completely depressing. It is ruining my happy, summery mood. I was going to go to the art gallery tomorrow but if it is going to be all snowy and cold I don't think I can face the trip downtown so I am going to start packing instead. Four days!

Anyway, the weather has made me sleepy all day so I am going to bed now. Maybe when I wake up it will be springtime again?

#115 - He Thought I Was Nuts

2009-04-21T22:42:00.002-06:00

no more ifs or ands or buts

I fell down the stairs this morning. Barely. It's more like I slipped on the stairs this morning, because I hit the wall before I could fall very far. That would probably be a good thing if it weren't for the fact that I now have a sore, scraped knee and the wall has a large, knee-shaped hole.

My sister thinks that somewhere in my subconscious I am resistant to leaving and it makes me destroy things, because last time I was stayed with her house I accidentally hit the screen door with my suitcase and broke the glass on my way to the bus.

Speaking of leaving... 5 days!

#114 - There's 67 Better Ways

2009-04-20T22:03:00.002-06:00

to make some sense

6 days!

Today my dad sent me a happy birthday email that had one sentence wishing me a happy birthday and about three paragraphs telling my how much work we are going to have to do around the house this summer. It was like, "Congratulations on turning 21 I can't wait fo you to get home so I can put you to work cleaning the basement and painting and gardening all summer (when you are not at the job you will be working at six days a week, that is)."

Seriously though, thank God we are finally painting the house, even if there are some disagreements on the colour. Dad wants to paint it "farm cream colour" (that is a direct quote) and, while I am not entirely sure what he means by that, I think it is a terrible idea. Kate and I are thinking green, maybe. We have to keep the brown trim, which sucks, but at least my house won't be pink anymore.

#113 - I Like To Dance All Night

2009-04-19T22:49:00.003-06:00

and some of the day

Today is a very special day for a few different reasons.

Reasons Why Today Is A Very Special Day

It might have been my last day ever at Cineplex. It is definitely my last Sunday which makes me quite sad because Sundays are the most fun, even when most of the people you work with (including all the people who are supposed to be in concession with you) don't show up for work.
I put the popper together by myself for the first time and felt an extraordinary sense of accomplishment.
On the walk home from work I think I may have seen an otherwise completely normal looking person wearing her bra on the outside of her dress.
After almost two years Gossip Girl finally acknowledged the fact that supreme creepiness of the fact that Chuck Bass tried to rape someone in the show's pilot and then went on to be everyone's favourite character (including mine).
I had chocolate chip cookie dough Blizzard ice cream cake (!) because...
Today is my birthday!
Today also marks the beginning of the one week countdown to my return to Saskatchewan, which makes me both very excited and very sad. Seven days!

#112 - We Can Change Our Minds

2009-04-18T22:07:00.003-06:00

100,000 times

Today: A Condensed Version

got up too early
Calgary Tower
sweaty guy in the elevator stood to close to me
coconut cupcake
ditched by my sister, accidentally
water bottle thrown at my head
farmer's market; borscht; free samples
wanted to nap but didn't
played Cars (the video game)
two trips to the grocery store
hamburger
movie
driving
home
bed

#111 - Jake, What Do You Want To Be When You Grow Up?

2009-04-17T22:59:00.002-06:00

Jake: A princess.

That is all.

#110 - She Drove It Like She Stole It

2009-04-16T23:37:00.002-06:00

she stole it fast and with a multitude of casualties

I got my haircut today. I went to the same hairdresser I saw last time because I love her. She moved here from Newfoundland fairly recently and so talked a lot about what it is like moving to Calgary from other places.

One of the things we talked about is how much we both miss driving. I do drive here, on occasion, but Calgary driving isn't really fun driving. It is crowded driving. And stressful driving. And if one is listening to the radio there tends to be an inordinate amount of Lady Gaga involved. I am driving back to Saskatchewan a week from Sunday and, while I am very much looking forward to being back home and seeing my friends and sleeping on something other than an air mattress, I am also really excited for the drive itself. I haven't been out of the city in four months (!) and it will be so, so nice to get in the car and drive on the highway.

#109 - Don't Stop Believing

2009-04-15T22:31:00.002-06:00

hold on to the feeling

I watched this last night and could not stop smiling.

I suppose one might say I was Gleeful?*

*I really am sorry about that. I am so, so tired.

#108 - Someday Somebody's Going To Ask You

2009-04-14T21:27:00.002-06:00

a question that you should say yes to

I have a dilemma, you guys. A Twitter dilemma: To follow Diddy or not to follow Diddy? I am not kidding! I am seriously torn up about this. On one hand, I follow a lot of people and seeing every tweet is hard enough without triple posts of this kind of thing. On the other hand he is completely facsinating, and if I unfollow him I will miss out on so much! His thoughts on television; learning about his favourite foods; finding out how he spends his Saturdays. Not to mention all the love and positivity. If I didn't follow him I would I never have known that Diddy's favourite rock group is Silversun Pickups? Plus, how will I know who is LOCKED IN????

Oh P.Twitty, I just don't know what to do.

#107 - Let's Just Roll Our Own

2009-04-13T18:19:00.002-06:00

plane crash footage on TV

I am in a terrible mood today. I woke up grouchy, and then I got even grouchier. I am feeling a little better now but, just to be on the safe side (and to spare my family) I think I am just going to spend the evening on my room. I am going to read my book (Birth Marks by Sarah Dunnant which is very dark and may be responsible for my mood in the first place), watch all the new episodes of Robin Hood (it has been back on since the end of March and I just found out!), read blogs and then go to sleep.

#106 - I Hate the Steam Train

2009-04-12T22:58:00.002-06:00

that whistles woozy my birdie brain

I quit my job today! I also: helped make an Easter Egg hunt, forgot to turn on a power bar, stocked the candy cases, talked with Niall about the verb blaspheme, ate some fruit salad, heard a lot about the book Lamb by Christopher Moore*, walked home, ate a delicious supper, fell asleep on the couch, and watched the newest episode of Party Down.

All in all, it was a pretty good day. There was one terrible thing that happened, though. A terrible thing. A truly awful thing.

I found out about this:

This is a Cassowary, and Cassowaries are, as far as I can tell, the scariest thing ever to exist in real life. They are just as freaky looking as turkeys (maybe even freakier, because of how they are blue) plus they have the ability to charge you and rip out your stomach with their evil claw feet. And they will totally do it. Because they are evil. I thought about looking them up on YouTube but I don't think I can handle something that traumatic right before bed. Or ever, maybe.

*It is hilarious, sexy and touching, supposedly.

#105 - I Got A Timebomb

2009-04-11T23:51:00.001-06:00

in my mind, mom

He's ba-ack. These two lack some of the reckless abandon of the first video, but I feel they more than make up for it in creepy expressions and fluidity of movement, respectively.

#104 - Happiness

2009-04-10T23:57:00.002-06:00

hit her like a train on a track

It is so, so nice outside. I wore a skirt and flats today! Springtime makes me want to listen to music. Here is the playlist:

Hideaway - Mystery Jets
Run My Mouth - Ra Ra Riot
Dog Days Are Over - Florence and the Machine
The Summer - Coconut Records
I Need a Life - Born Ruffians
Fascination - Alphabeat
Juicy - Notorious B.I.G.
Manhattan - Kings of Leon
In Step - Girl Talk
Made of Codes - Jack Penate
All the Words - The Bridges
We Throw Parties, You Throw Knives - Los Campesinos!
100,000 Times - Maria Taylor
Young Adult Friction - The Pains of Being Pure at Heart
Hometown Fantasy - Andrew Kenny
Woods - Bon Iver
Bitter - Meshell Ndegeocello
All the Young Dudes - Mott the Hoople
Swimming in the Swamp - The National Lights
Black Cab - Jens Lekman
Question - Old 97s
Killer Parties - The Hold Steady
Life on a Chain - Pete Yorn
Choir Vandals - Ben Gibbard
My Only Offer - Mates of State

#103 - We Are The Sons Of No One

2009-04-09T23:52:00.006-06:00

bastards of young

Kate and I went to see Adventureland* tonight and I really liked it. We were in a crazy hurry to get there and then ended up being half an hour early, because apparently I am incapable of reading movie times correctly. Kate thinks it is my subconscious doing everything it can to make sure we don't miss the previews. It is possible that she is not wrong.

Speaking of previews, we saw the trailer for Crank 2.

Holy shit. Statham was dead, you guys. But he got better. And now there is a jumper cable on his tongue.

Anyway, Adventureland was really great. It is being marketed like a straight up comedy, but I think that the phrase "from the director of Superbad" gives the wrong impression. I mean, sure, there are still boner jokes, but in Adventureland the boner jokes manage to hint at a deep ocean of melancholy, just below the surface.**

*Not to be confused with Southland, the new police drama, from the creators of ER, starring Ryan from The OC. Although that did premier tonight. And I may end up watching it at some point.
**Anybody?

#102 - Easy Living

2009-04-08T22:26:00.003-06:00

killed the young dudes
in the high boots

The weather is so, so nice right now and I love it, even though I haven't actually been spending a lot of time outside. Today I was outside at 9 pm in short sleeves and a cardigan and I wasn't cold at all. I mean, I wasn't out there for very long, but still.

The best thing about the nice weather is that it means the kids can spend a lot more time outside, which really is good for everyone. I cannot tell you how much better Caleb and I get along if we go to the park for an hour before walking home from school. I don't like to read at the park with Caleb, because I am constantly having to look around to see where he is and also because my hands get cold, even when it is relatively warm outside. Mostly I just listen to podcasts, but I downloaded all three Mitch Hedberg CDs this weekend and so I have been mostly listening to those instead.

I realize that this is not really an original opinion but oh my God I love Mitch Hedberg. The way he speaks is just so great that I am pretty sure I would be laughing even if he weren't telling hilarious jokes. Which he is. I totally look like I am just some crazy lady at the elementary school playground, watching the children playing and laughing quietly to herself. But I am pretty much okay with that.

#101 - Take Me Down to the Paradise City

2009-04-07T20:35:00.002-06:00

where the grass is green
and the girls are pretty

Caleb is playing a video game wit that song on it and it has driven all other music and lyrics out of my head. Also, it kind of makes me want to watch Can't Hardly Wait.

ANYWAYS.

I cleaned my room yesterday, kind of. I didn't vacuum it or anything, but I did wash all the dirty clothes on the floor and put them away in the wardrobe, and I picked up all the little bits of paper and junk that had filtered through the dirty clothes onto the actual carpet (which was mostly obscured from view).

I always forget how nice it feels to have a floor that is clear of obstructions. Like, I can just open my door and walk to me bed without having to kick anything out of the way or step on any books or anything. It's amazing. Why is it not like that all the time. How hard would it be to, either, a) act like any other normally functioning human being and not just throw stuff on the floor when I'm not using it, or b) at least make an effort to pick the crap up of the floor a little more frequently. The whole clean up operation took me about an hours worth of actual work (including taking stuff in and out of the laundry and folding clothes and whatnot), so it is not like I have to make a huge time commitment.

Actually, that fact that this only took me an hour, counting laundry, I take to be an encouraging sign. My room used to take me hours, sometimes even an entire day, to clean thoroughly so obviously I am making progress. My goal is to, one day, manage to maintain a room (and a entire home, at some point) that I can let guests look at without feeling embarrassed and without feeling the need to turn off the light if someone goes in there to make a phone call (which I actually did to Amanda once).

I think I will achieve my goal someday, but it might not be until I am 80 or something, at which point it actually becomes socially acceptable to have a messy house because everyone just assumes you are physically incapable of vacuuming, or whatever.

#100 - You Don't Know Anything

2009-04-06T19:09:00.002-06:00

so don't ask me any questions

100 posts! Well, 100 numbered posts. This is actually my 151st post overall, but I didn't count the ones that were just me posting a video or saying sorry for being late on List Friday or something. 100 posts in just over two years means that I averaged about one post a week. That's not bad. Although I have been looking through the archives and I honestly have no idea why anyone reads this. I mean, there are only about four people who actually do (which is how I like it, when I find out there are other people who have seen it I get completely freaked out and embarrased) but even that seems excessive. I am an exceptionally boring person.

You know what I do kind of like though? I like going through all the titles and trying to guess where they are from. That way I don't have to read anything I actually wrote, which is nice.

#99 - I'm Waiting Over Here

2009-04-05T23:26:00.004-06:00

for life to begin

I had such a lovely day today. Work was fun, I got soaked in soda water (which was spewing out of one of the pop towers for about and hour and a half, despite our best efforts to stop it) and I saw Jarome Iginla. Apparently. I would not have recognized him if someone hadn't told me who he was. He bought some popcorn and went to see Adventureland.

Did you know that he is not a goalie? I totally thought he was a goalie.*

Anyway, after I came home from work I had some delicious tortellini, called Lua and talked for a while and then watched Pride and Prejudice with my sister. Incidentally, if Matthew Macfadyen had come to see Adventureland today I would absolutely have recognized him.

*He is a forward, according to Harry.

#98 - They Say the Nile Used to Run From East to West

2009-04-04T18:44:00.003-06:00

they say the Nile used to run from east to west

Last Night in Numbers

Number of cups of tea I drank: 4
Number of times I listened to The Dead Will Walk, Dear all the way through: 2
Number of Advil I took: 2
Number of times people commented on my cheeriness: 3
Number of times the song Spaceman by the Killers played on the movie theatre TVs: roughly 3 times per hour, so... 15 or so?
Number of times the word murder was used in a single sentence: 3
Number of times Amelia turned to me and said "Everyone is being so weird tonight": 7
Number of minutes I stayed late to finish the dishes: 20
Number of times Harry walked into a conversation about lesbians and said, completely clueless, "But, how can you not like hot dogs?": 1
Number of times I watched the following video: 2*

*Watch it. You must watch it.

#97 - And Now I Give You My Days

2009-04-03T23:53:00.002-06:00

all my days

There is this huge set of outdoor stairs that I have to walk down in order to get to work, and a lot of people work out my running up and down them (over and over, which I think is my idea of what hell is like). Today on my way to work I saw this guy in full workout regalia run down the stairs, pause at the bottom to light a cigarette, and then start running back up, smoking. It was great.

#96 - Sugar Dumpling Muffin Baby

2009-04-02T21:17:00.002-06:00

this world is going crazy

Hello friends. It's day two of daily blogging! Isn't it weird to think that my the end of daily blogging I will be back in Regina? It feels like I have been gone for a pretty long time, and I guess I have. I feel like the month of April is going to go by quickly.

Things I Am Looking Forward To In April

Working at the movie theatre for the next couple of weeks (but then I have to quit, which would go on my list of Things That I Am Not Looking Forward To In April)
The last Jessica Darling book, which comes out on the fourteenth
All the awesome summer TV that is starting! Greek and My Boys are back and Party Down, the new Rob Thomas show, is awesome so far (the entire first episode is available on YouTube or here). Also, season finales of all my regular season shows are coming up soon.
My friend Nicole (who was my roommate in Montreal last summer) is coming to visit on my birthday weekend! I haven't seen her since we were in Ottawa last July (or maybe the end of June?) and I am super excited.
My birthday! It probably isn't going to be terribly exciting, but everyone likes a birthday, no?
Moving home

I have to go now. I have to get up early tomorrow and there will be no time for napping before work, so I am going to try and get to bed at a reasonable hour for once. Also, I want to watch Taking the Stage before I go to sleep, because I find dance-offs soothing.

#95 - We'll Wait 'Til Dark to Dig a Hole Outside

2009-04-01T21:08:00.003-06:00

big enough for you to fit inside
all those hearts you broke still beating
this is helping, honey this is healing

Creepy, right? Sooooo creepy. The Dead Will Walk, Dear by The National Lights is my current favourite album and the whole thing is kind of like that. It is all about killing people (mainly teenage girls, so far as I can tell) and burying the bodies and maybe even eating them sometimes. Normally I would find it all kind of reprehensible and disturbing, but I cannot stop listening to it because the songs are so pretty.

#94 - I'm a Festival

2009-03-29T00:44:00.002-06:00

I'm a parade

I have been getting some heat about my lack of blogging lately, although I don't think you guys are missing very much because I don't have anything very interesting to say. That being said, I just found out that YA-author-extraordinaire Maureen Johnson is blogging every day in April and I kind of want to see if I can do it. Remember a few months ago when I decided to stop eating for ten days and only drink spicy lemonade? It's kind of like that, only with less cayenne pepper and fewer maple syrup expenses (hopefully).

Like I said, nothing particularly exciting has been happening to me lately, and some days might just be a link to something I like on the internet, or a funny thing my nephew said, or something, but I have only written one blog since the year started, so things can only go up from there, right? Also, I recently learned a whole lot about ladder safety that I would be happy to share with you, so there is that to look forward to.

#93 - All The Cigarettes That I Have Never Smoked

2009-02-10T00:11:00.002-06:00

and all the letters that I have never sent

It's practically the middle of February and up until five minutes ago this this was still Christmas colours. So embarrassing. I probably would have updated sooner but i wanted to leave Beyonce near the top of the page for as long as humanly possible. You know how it is. Very little is new with me, except that I am in Calgary now. I still do not have a real job, but I am working on it. Mostly I just hang out with Jake all day and ponder the meaning of the universe and the state of the economy and why one of my fingernails seems to grow much faster than all the others.

I also went and played squash once, you will probably be suprised to know.

Anyway, I am finding myself very tired and with very little to say, so I am going to go now. Turning one's blog from red and green to white and grey does not require very much energy, but choosing a new visited link colour really took it out of me.

#92 - It's You! It's Me!

2008-12-21T12:16:00.003-06:00

and there's dancing!

This little gem comes via one of my father's luntaic friends:

And, since we are already talking about dancing, you should probably watch some Beyonce (at 00:52 she tries to hypnotize the audience with her thighs, and it works):

Also, watch the Frug (the dance):

And listen to The Frug (the song):

# 91 - So The Story Goes

2008-12-16T21:38:00.001-06:00

balance we won't know
we will see when it gets warm

#90 - Clair Presents:

2008-12-03T22:01:00.003-06:00

A Conversation with her Father

Setting: the TV room. Tim is lying on the couch with a pile of blankets and a pile of Halls wrappers, occasionally coughing a really gross-sounding cough

Clair: What are you watching?

Tim: Top Gun and Just for Laughs. Top Gun is my favourite.

Clair: Of those two?

Tim: Of almost everything. "They're on our tail, they're on our tail! Take a shot, take a shot!"

cough cough cough

#89 - See Ya Later, Sinners

2008-12-03T13:51:00.002-06:00

"Bye Jesus."

See more Jack Black videos at Funny or Die

#88 - LIST FRIDAY, Winter Boots Edition

2008-11-21T18:41:00.007-06:00

Either/Ors

Gloves or mittens: mittens
Cats or dogs: cats
Bob or Neil: Bob
Peel stickers or stamp bags: peel stickers
Loud or quiet: loud
Wake up or sleep: sleep
Boots or sneakers: boots
Words or pictures: words
Poetry or prose: prose
Tea or coffee: tea
Peppermint or chamomile: peppermint
Peppermint or spearmint: peppermint
Drive or take the bus: take the bus
Read or listen to: listen to
Kristen Stewart or Jamie Bell: this is a trick question, they are the same person

#87 - Struck Brightly By The Winter

2008-11-19T21:43:00.002-06:00

when the snow falls thick and silent

Today I was struck by the holiday spirit. I am now officially excited for the 2008 Christmas season. Here are some reasons why:

1. The snow! It snowed like crazy this afternoon. The day started out all grey and blustery and ended up all white and wintery and lovely.

2. I went to Buy the Book and had hot chocolate. It is obviously not too far into the Christmas season, though, or I would've been offered booze.

3. I finally handed in my art history paper. It is impossible to be filled with holiday cheer when one is preoccupied with thoughts of Emil Nolde and German Expressionism and versus woodcuts etc.

4. I have Christmas-ified* the colour scheme.

5. I spent two hours in Paper Umbrella working on the window display and talking to Theresa about gift wrap and cookie baking and whole chickens and book binding.

6. I know I mentioned the snow but I have to say it again. SNOW!

In non-Christmas related good news: last night there was a crazy and awful and amazing travel-into-the-past episode of One Tree Hill that Chad Michael Murry wrote. Honestly, what could possibly be better than that? Nothing. Nothing could. That is the best.

*My computer's spell checker is trying to tell me that Christmas-ified is not a word. How absurd.**

**Rhyme!

#86 - She Said My Name's Neal Schon

2008-11-03T22:06:00.004-06:00

but some people call me Nina Simone.

Essay writing again tonight. Special thanks to Bon Iver, Basia Bulat, The Hold Steady, Born Ruffians, Coca-Cola, peppermint tea, warm socks, the green foot stool, and Kenzie's blog for keeping my spirits (and energy levels) up. Also, thank you to Mordecai Richler. After two semesters of epic Greek poetry and seventeenth century sonnets it is so nice to be writing about prose again.

EDIT: I am thinking of calling my essay "It Wasn't His Fault: How Duddy Kravitz's Family Screwed Him Over". Is that sufficiently scholarly, do you think? Should I take out the contraction?

#85 - Ophelia Had Two Cars

2008-11-02T22:35:00.003-06:00

She's driving away in one of them.

I am going to be up so late tonight and so early tomorrow to finish this Andrew Marvell paper. All I can say is thank God for I'm From Barcelona, Rilo Kiley and Belle and Sebastian. My "stay awake and cheerful music".

I am about half done right now, but I was also half done at five o'clock. I completely started over at around eight.

P.S. If I hadn't used Ophelia as the title of this post I would have used "Rufus The Giant Silver Labrador/is standing in my hall/Rufus Rufus Labrador/ten feet tall "

#84 - Had We But World Enough, and Time,

2008-10-30T22:20:00.004-06:00

This coyness, lady, were no crime.
We would sit down and think which way
To walk, and pass our long love's day;
Thou by the Indian Ganges' side
Shouldst rubies find; I by the tide
Of Humber would complain. I would
Love you ten years before the Flood;
And you should, if you please, refuse
Till the conversion of the Jews.
My vegetable love should grow
Vaster than empires, and more slow.
An hundred years should go to praise
Thine eyes, and on thy forehead gaze;
Two hundred to adore each breast,
But thirty thousand to the rest;
An age at least to every part,
And the last age should show your heart.
For, lady, you deserve this state,
Nor would I love at lower rate.

But at my back I always hear
Time's winged chariot hurrying near;
And yonder all before us lie
Deserts of vast eternity.
Thy beauty shall no more be found,
Nor, in thy marble vault, shall sound
My echoing song; then worms shall try
That long preserv'd virginity,
And your quaint honour turn to dust,
And into ashes all my lust.
The grave's a fine and private place,
But none I think do there embrace.

Now therefore, while the youthful hue
Sits on thy skin like morning dew,
And while thy willing soul transpires
At every pore with instant fires,
Now let us sport us while we may;
And now, like am'rous birds of prey,
Rather at once our time devour,
Than languish in his slow-chapp'd power.
Let us roll all our strength, and all
Our sweetness, up into one ball;
And tear our pleasures with rough strife
Thorough the iron gates of life.
Thus, though we cannot make our sun
Stand still, yet we will make him run.

Love poem, poem of seduction, or both? Thoughts? Anyone? Bueller?

#83 - LIST FRIDAY, Yesterday Edition

2008-10-23T16:13:00.002-06:00

Things I Did Yesterday

Yesterday I didn't skip any of my classes
Yesterday I started work on the two English essays that are due soon
Yesterday I had a headache until I went out for a walk
Yesterday I read "Paradise Lost" out loud
Yesterday I gave blood
Yesterday I was a little bit offended when the nurse asked me if I had ever taken drugs or money in exchange for sex, even though it was a routine question
Yesterday I forgot I had given blood and did heavy lifting, which made me dizzy
Yesterday I fell asleep in the lab building while I was reading Looking for Alaska
Yesterday the bus came exactly when I wanted it to
Yesterday the bus came too early and I missed it
Yesterday I deleted all the songs off of my iPod so I can replace them with new ones

#82 - I Like The Starbucks Here...

2008-10-16T22:41:00.004-06:00

...that's better then the other one
'cause the other one's not as good

The Dome of the Rock* playlist

The Bitter End - Placebo
Full of Grace - Sarah McLachlan
Freezepop Forever - Freezepop
Rainy Streets - Superchunk
Range Life - Pavement
Monday Monday Monday - Tegan and Sara
I Will Dare - The Replacements
Jarhand - Immaculate Machine
Me & The Major - Belle and Sebastian
Girlfriend in a Coma - The Smiths
Heimdalsgate Like a Promethean Curse - Of Montreal
Wellington's Wednesdays - The Weakerthans
Casino Queen - Wilco
Take a Bow - Rihanna
Little Waltz - Basia Bulat
The Cheapest Key - Kathleen Edwards
Uncovering the Old - Dr. Dog
Never Believe - Elf Power
Stevie Nix - The Hold Steady
Beautiful - Meshell Ndegeocello
One for the Cutters - The Hold Steady
Golden Age of Radio - Josh Ritter
Ultimatum - The Long Winters
Shop Vac - Jonothan Coulton
Stakeout (Donnerschlag remix) - Freezepop
I Am A Scientist - The Dandy Warhols
Breathe In - Frou Frou
Five Star Day - Aqueduct

*The Dome of the Rock is the oldest standing Muslim structure (at least I hope so, becase that is what I wrote on my test today). It is a dome that covers a rock (shocking, I know) that Muslims believe it is the place from which Muhammad ascended to heave*, Christians think is the place where God create Adam, and Jews think is where Abraham went to sacrifice Issac. Religion is kind of crazy.

*see comments

#81 - C'mon Mood Shift

2008-10-15T21:25:00.004-06:00

shift back to good again

Alternately this post could be titled: Argh! Art History! Argh!

So, guess what I did today? I skipped English and spent most of this morning and all of this afternoon re-writing my art history notes on loose leaf. And then I spent all of this evening typing out my re-written notes. And I still feel like a know almost nothing about the history of art. How is that possible, you ask? I am not sure, but I am pretty sure it has something to do with the astounding number of dates there are to memorize. If it weren't for the dates I would be fine. Well, the dates and the fact that apparently all Greek dudes who got sculptures made of them looked exactly the same.

On the brightside, after tomorrow I don't have to worry about another art history test until finals, and I made a really good study playlist called "The Dome of the Rock".

#80 - I Was Never That Good

2008-10-07T16:52:00.004-06:00

...at being nice when I should

Today I was in the mall having lunch with Jamie when I overheard the following conversation:

Teenage Boy with Unfortunate Facial Hair: No way is Adam Sander funnier than Will Ferrel!

Friend who is Eating a Taco: He is! Happy Gilmore...

T.B.w.U.F.H.: Happy Gilmore is for bitches! Now, Anchorman... Anchorman like opened up my world.*

(at which point F.w.i.E.a.T., soundly put in his place, fell silent)

*Emphasis his. I swear to God, the italics were practically audible.

#79 - You Eat Apples Right?

2008-10-05T20:06:00.002-06:00

I produce Entourage.

I watched Saturday Night Live last night for the first time in a long time. Aside from Tina Fey's Palin impression (if you haven't seen any of those go watch one right now, the lack of exaggeration required to make Sarah Palin into a comedy sketch is almost alarming), this is the thing that made me laugh the hardest:

#78 - LIST FRIDAY, Lemonade Edition

2008-09-28T22:33:00.002-06:00

Someday I will post a List Friday on an actual Friday, but that day is not today (because today is Sunday and there is nothing I can do about that).

Know what I stopped doing for a long time? Listening to albums all the way through. I always got fixated on just one or two songs and then forget about everything else. This summer I have been making an effort to stop doing this so much. Working at Buy the Book helped a lot, mostly because there is no computer there so it is a lot harder to switch from track to track.

Albums I Listened To All The Way Through This Summer (On A Regular Basis, I Mean)

Oh, My Darling by Basia Bulat
Golden Age of Radio and Hello Starling by Josh Ritter (actually, all Josh Ritter)
Stay Positive by The Hold Steady
LaDeDa by Joel Plaskett Emergency
Putting the Days to Bed by The Long Winters
Fables by Immaculate Machine
Faces in the Rocks by Mariee Sioux
Tallahassee by The Mountain Goats (I listened to this a lot, actually)
Alligator by The National
Reunion Tour by The Weakerthans
Golden Delicious by Mike Doughty
Volume One by She and Him

Also, since I have had nothing to drink but spicy lemonade for the past six days and I can still smell the delicious smell of cabbage rolls even though my dad cooked them six hours ago and I cannot stop thinking about food:

Things I Want to Learn to Cook

pie crust
chicken Parmesan
pesto
bread dough (for bread, but also for cinnamon buns)
salmon cakes
cheesecake
antipasto

#77 - LIST FRIDAY, Swept Floor and Clean Sheets Edition

2008-08-19T23:11:00.003-06:00

"...but, of course, it was universal for Brenda, more than that, cosmic--it made every cashmere sweater a battle with her mother, and her life, which, I was certain, consisted to a large part of cornering the market on fabrics that felt soft to the skin, took on the quality of a Hundred Years' War..."
-Philip Roth, Goodbye Columbus

Things That Are Making Me Happy Today

the above quote
a newly cleaned bedroom
lime Italian soda that tastes a little bit like perfume (but in a good way)
The Hold Steady on TSOYA
Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip on DVD
the fact that I get to go buy textbooks tomorrow
pondering the age-old dilemma of looseleaf vs. notebooks

Movies Watched In The Past Two Weeks

Fight Club
Bright Young Things
Dead and Breakfast
I Capture the Castle
Love Me If You Dare
Made of Honor
Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 2

Books Read In The Past Two Weeks

Into Thin Air by Jon Krakauer
The History of Love by Nicole Krauss
The Disreputable History of Frankie Landau-Banks by E. Lockhart
Salinger: A Biography by Paul Alexander
Poseur by Rachel Maude
The Remains of the Day by Kazuo Ishiguro
Goodbye Columbus by Philip Roth

#76 - LIST FRIDAY, Return Edition

2008-08-05T11:48:00.003-06:00

I am going out of town (and away from the internet) for a few days, but before I go:

Songs I Would Sing In Karaoke, If I Could Sing Anything I Wanted

Come A Long Way - Michelle Shocked
King of Spain - Moxy Fruvous
Won't Be Home - Old 97s
Downtown - Petula Clark
Omabolasire - Prozzak
Phone Sex - Superchunk
Puttin' On the Ritz - Taco
Me and Mia - Ted Leo
Handle With Care - Traveling Wilburys
Plea from a Cat Named Virtue - Weakerthans
Jesus etc. - Wilco
Step Into My Office, Baby - Belle and Sebastian
Come On Petunia - The Blow
Combat Baby - Metric
Two Fine People - Cat Stevens
July, July! - The Decemberists
Rangers - A Fine Frenzy
Paper Bag - Fiona Apple
Home By Saturday - Hayden
Massive Nights - The Hold Steady
Sometimes Always - Jesus and Mary Chain
Good Man - Josh Ritter
The Hard Way - Mary Chapin Carpenter

Je L'aime A Mourir

2008-06-12T21:00:00.001-06:00

#75 - LIST FRIDAY, Travel Edition

2008-05-31T18:30:00.003-06:00

Irrational Fears I Have About Going to Montreal for Five Weeks

That I will get lost in the Winnipeg airport.
That every single other person in the program will be exactly like the meanest, prettiest girl in my high school.
That my roommate(s) will listen exclusively to classical music.
That I won't have any time to read.
That the internet connection will have some sort of issue that will prevent me from watching So You Think You Can Dance on Surf the Channel.
That I will get lost on the first day of class.
That I will get progressively worse at French, instead of better.

#74 - Your Love Is Like A Cyclone In A Swamp

2008-05-23T00:17:00.002-06:00

...and the weather's getting warmer

Demetri Martin is funny and smart! This whole show is on YouTube.

#73 - LIST FRIDAY, Return Edition

2008-05-19T23:36:00.004-06:00

Simple Pleasures

falling asleep as soon as your head hits the pillow
when TV shows make you cry
putting on socks, shoes and long pants after supper at the cabin
hearing a little kid say the word "hot"
passing a level of Super Mario World on the first try
staying inside playing Super Mario World and then emerging to discover that the entire world has turned green and spring-y
watching Amanda attempt to canoe while drunk
when people come visit me at work
looking forward to things (such as upcoming concerts and trips)

Good Songs For Spring (even though some of them are kind of sad and/or angry sounding)

A Kick in the Teeth by Fischerspooner
Streets on Fire by Lupe Fiasco
Sometimes Always by Jesus and Mary Chain (thanks Kenzie!)
Paper Planes remix by MIA feat. Bun B and Rich Boy
Snakes and Ladders by Basia Bulat
Harrisburg by Josh Ritter
See America Right and No Children by The Mountain Goats (John Darnielle kind of scares me, but in a good way)
Second Minute or Hour by Jack Penate
Ultimatum by The Long Winters
I Just Want the Girl in the Blue Dress to Keep On Dancing by Mike Doughty

Savory:

2008-05-01T01:29:00.000-06:00

(Brit: savoury)
adjective
belonging to the category that is salty or spicy rather than sweet.

#72 - You Have Woke Up To Soon

2008-04-19T03:14:00.003-06:00

...and the world is rearranged

I had such a fun birthday party tonight!! I played pool! I did karaoke! I drank a lot! Is drank a word? Whatever.

#71 - I Like It In The City

2008-04-15T01:03:00.003-06:00

when the air is so thick, and opaque

NUMBERWANG!! Watch the first one first, but the second one is better.

#70 - It's Been Awhile How You've Come Back In Style

2008-04-14T11:42:00.004-06:00

singing hey na ne na na na na.

Wouldn't it be funny if from now on whenever I used lyrics for titles they were nonsense words? I think it would. I lot of songs that I like have nonsense, too, so it's completely plausible.

It is birthday season here in Saskatchewan. Everyone is having a birthday right now, it feels like. People keep asking me what I want and I can never think what to tell them, but I will make a list anyway*.

Birthday Wishlist

typewriter
haircut
Feist ticket
a darkroom in my basement
a glass pen from Paper Pmbrella
vellum, also from Paper Umbrella
money
books
a clarinet instructional book
a shoe rack
a plane ticket to Montreal
art books
a really nice messenger bag made of some form of natural fibres for school/Quebec
a repair for my sewing machine

*There have been no List Fridays in a couple weeks. They are on hiatus. Maybe after finals are done and I am into the swing of summer they'll come back. But also, I might be posting more because I won't bother saving things to be put into list form.

#69 - Na-Na-Nanana

2008-04-13T16:51:00.002-06:00

ah-aaa, ah-aaa

Bonus points if you can guess what song that is.

Today is an excellent day, here is why:

I finally e-mailed my English prof my final essay of the semester
I went out for coffee with Number One
After sending my essay I got to go for a bike ride (first one of the year!) in a t-shirt, because that's how nice it is outside today
Right now I am watching "In the Land of Women", which is not really a good movie, but I still kind of enjoy it. I really like Kristen Stewart, even though she is kind of irritating and disturbingly thin.
After this I get to do absolutely nothing for the rest of the day. Lovely.

#68 - I Am Officially Bored Now...

2008-04-12T11:47:00.001-06:00

... I have a certificate.

Does no one love Garfield w/o Garfield as much as me? No one??

#67 - Sukie Was A Kid, She Liked To Hang Out At The Art School

2008-04-10T23:58:00.004-06:00

She didn't enroll, but she wiped the floor with all the arseholes
She took a bijou flat with the fraternity cat
She hid inside the attic of the sculpture building
She had a slut slave and his name was Dave
She said ‘Be my photo bitch and I'll make you rich'
He didn't believe her but the boy revered her
He got her meals and he got her a bed
He watched behind the screen and she started to undress
He never got far
Just lookin' and playing guitar

Garfield Without Garfield

That is all.

#66 - If Something In The Deli Aisle Makes You Cry

2008-04-08T15:30:00.004-06:00

...of course I'll put my arms around you and I'll walk you outside

I just lifted a line out of The Wire and put it, almost verbatim, into my women's studies paper. I don't think it counts as plagiarism though, because on The Wire they were talking about drug dealing and in my essay I am talking about sexual harassment.

A note to Anonymous: Kraft Spritzer, Balsamic Breeze

#65 - Oh, What A Day It Has Been

2008-04-07T21:45:00.002-06:00

Guess what I just found out, you guys? I use the same salad dressing as George Clooney! And that is just the capper on a day full of exciting events:

-I got an extension on my women's studies essay (Yaaay!)
-I ate a pizza sub, which was good but it wasn't really toasted, and it had cross-ways onions
-I attended the nerdiest English class ever and:
-learned that the word "smog" was coined in 1904 by the head of London's Coal Smoke Abatement Association
-held a replica of Sting, the sword from the Hobbit and Lord of the Rings
-learned about Elvish divorce law ("elves, like geese, are meant to mate but once")
-pondered the dilemma of answering the question "Do you still beat your wife?". Doesn't matter if you say yes or no, you still come off looking like an abusive asshole.
-I had a three hour nap
-I watched The Hills

Today has been glorious, which is good because tomorrow is going to consist of:

-finishing my women's studies paper
-studying French
-cooking supper
-working on my English essay

#64 - I Don't Think I'll Ever Do That Again

2008-04-02T20:48:00.002-06:00

I'll end up winning and I won't know why

You guys, I am totally an adult know. How do I know this? I know this because I just received a letter in the mail telling me that I have a pension fund. A pension fund. How exciting. It has fifty dollars and seven cents in it. Also, I sometimes say 'plug the meter' and I know what the word gauche means which, according to my friend Amy, means that I am actually an old man.

I don't think I've even indented a post before. Hmmmm.

Barack Obama

2008-03-26T22:03:00.000-06:00

-sistible

#63 - LIST FRIDAY, Tiny Blue Flowers Edition

2008-03-24T22:57:00.006-06:00

Things I Find Intriguing

typewriters
the personal lives of writers I admire
rubber stamps
heists and capers
the Italian Renaissance
songs in which the lyrics are full sentences*

PAUSE. I just sneezed and then felt very dizzy. How strange.

other people's favorite quotations
people with surprising voices
the square-shoed (square-shod?) guy in my logic class
words written in unexpected places

Things I Would Say To Some Of My Fellow Students If I Knew That They Would Get Amnesia Soon After The Conversation Took Place

To the square-shoed/shod guy in my logic class: "Three things. 1) Are you gay? I think you probably are. 2) May I please borrow your notes? They are immaculate. 3) Why do you look so solemn all the time? When you laughed in class the other day (at a really terrible joke the prof made) I was so surprised I almost dropped my pencil."
The the lady in my women's studies class with the really nice leather bag: "I really, really like your bag."
To the guy in my logic class who I have secretly named Chuck: "The reason I call you Chuck is because you kind of look like a cross between Chuck Bass** and Chuck Klosterman***. This is unfortunate and I am sorry, but don't worry, the amnesia will set in soon and you will forget I ever said anything."

To the guy in my English class with the awful haircut: "To be honest, I am a little flummoxed by the fact that you look like a complete hick yet have a seemingly encyclopedic knowledge of English literature. Also, I would like to give you some advice. If you absolutely must cut your own hair (which looks to be the case), next time find some scissors or something instead of using the electric knife that your father uses to carve roasts."
To my French prof: "The pants you wore on Wednesday were much to tight. Much to tight."

*Both The Mountain Goats and The Hold Steady are good at this. See also the song Scattered Pearls by Casiotone for the Painfully Alone.

I Am Just Wondering...

2008-03-24T22:42:00.003-06:00

Where the hell did this snow come from?! I stay inside for a few hours and the next time I look out the window everything is covered in white. This day is so depressing.

Note: This post is not numbered because boring posts that consist entirely of me complaining about the weather do not deserve to be numbered. Looking back at the archives neither, apparently, do posts about me having baked cookies, eating the last of said cookies, or wondering about the possible existence of an Arrested Development movie. Posts that I have honoured with numbers include: a question about toothpaste, an unfortunate logic joke, and one post whose sole purpose was to discuss the newest Mariah Carey video. Clearly, I have my priorities well in order.

#62 - Look Around, Look Around

2008-03-16T13:44:00.002-06:00

the second drummer drowned

An (admittedly very late) List Friday is forthcoming, but I have an essay due tomorrow that I have hardly started and a family dinner tonight. I was really planning to do in on Friday this week, but I went out and played Sega instead and I do not regret that decision. Sega is awesome.

SEEEEEEE-GA

#61 - The One In The Red Shirt

2008-03-12T22:05:00.002-06:00

Do you know who it is?

It Is 2 am,

2008-03-12T02:00:00.002-06:00

I have a French test tomorrow, and I just ate the last cookie.

Sad pandas on so many levels.

#60 - This Is Just To Say

2008-03-11T00:07:00.005-06:00

I have eaten
the plums
that were in
the icebox

and which
you were probably
saving
for breakfast

Forgive me
they were delicious
so sweet
and so cold

-William Carlos Williams

I have not really been all that much for the sleeping lately, so I have been reading a lot of poetry from my English textbooks at, like, 3 o'clock in the morning. Here is a bonus list (because I was such a slacker this week) of some of my favorites.

Helen of Troy Does Counter Dancing - Margaret Atwood ("My mother was raped by a holy swan. / You believe that?")
Ozymandias - Percy Bysshe Shelley (He was married to Mary Shelley, who wrote Frankenstein, and after he died she kept his heart in a drawer for the rest of her life.)
Meditations on the Declension of Beauty by the Girl with the Flying Cheek-bones - Marlene Nourbese Philip
288 - Emily Dickinson (I feel a special connection with Emily Dickinson because she had an avoidant personality, and that it what I would have too, if I had a personality disorder!)
you fit into me - Margaret Atwood, which goes as follows:

you fit into me
like a hook into an eye

a fish hook
an open eye

Isn't that great? She is completely screwing with you! Margaret Atwood is hilarious in a creepy, creepy way.

On a completely unrelated, pretty inside-jokey note: Look at this thing!

#59 - LIST FRIDAY, Lazy Edition

2008-03-09T21:41:00.002-06:00

First of all, cookie update: They are delicious.

Second of all, I would like to apologize for the lateness and also, in advance, for the lameness of this week's list.

Music I Have Been Listening To And Enjoying, Barry*

Tim I Wish You Were Born A Girl - Of Montreal (I could make you spaghetti with tomato sauce / with just a dash of oregano / and a parsely stem. This song is so great)
Elevator Love Letter - Stars
Swimming Pool - Freezepop (so much less crazy than Freezepop usually is. Also, very long)
Can I Get Get Get - Junior Senior
Girlfriend in a Coma -Joshua Radin (this song is really repetitive and kind of boring and yet I cannot stop listening to it)
We Run This - Missy Elliot (ever since I heard it at Kenzie's last weekend...)
Chutes to Narrow - The Shins (the entire album, because it is such perfect winter-into-spring transition music)
D.A.N.C.E. - Justice

*Spot the reference!

I Just Made Some Delicious, Delicious Cookies

2008-03-06T23:49:00.003-06:00

There is a pound of chocolate and 6 Skor bars in here. Isn't that awesome?

#58 - I Am Mutually Exclusive...

2008-03-06T20:26:00.001-06:00

... and collectively exhausted.

A logic pun! I am pretty pleased with myself.

#57 - Question:

2008-03-04T13:45:00.001-06:00

Does eating an apple taste better after brushing your teeth with cinnamon flavoured toothpaste than with peppermint?

Discuss.

#56 - LIST FRIDAY, Rollercoaster Edition

2008-03-02T21:15:00.002-06:00

I mean rollercoaster in an emotional sense, not a literal one. I am afraid of literal rollercoasters*. Basically everything having to do with school (except for English on Friday) was shitty this week, but everything else has been awesome.

Things That Were Awesome This Week

Reading Questionable Content. Even though I do not think it is God's gift to web comics like pretty much everyone else I kno who reads it, it is still enjoyable. It is kind of like a web comic version of a CW dramedy, complete with traumatic event's in the characters pasts and gratuitous indie music references, only with more sexual innuendo. And I do love a good dramedy.
The ending of Special Topics in Calamity Physics
The new pen I got from Paper Umbrella
The Josh Ritter show on Friday night!! It was like this:

Only with 50% more villainous mustache and 100% more dancing, disco, choreographed guitar playing and crazy people from

My new clarinet. I can play middle C!
Learning how to read Old English and then getting a really good mark on my Iliad essay. Incidentally, my English class now has 100% less outlandish mustache, but that is neither here nor there.
Nicknames: Levity, Chicken Leg, Bibo (Bebo?) and... Breakdown??
Dancing
Watching Amanda drink whiskey
Season 2 of the Wire
New Bunny Day.
The CD Matt made me that has a picture of an apple on it.
Getting pictures developed, even though half of them failed miserably.
Red pepper hummus w/ Sociables crackers.

*Literal rollercoasters? What the hell am I talking about?

I Will Do List Friday Tomorrow...

2008-03-02T01:55:00.002-06:00

...because last night was Josh Ritter (awesome!) and tonight was vodka and dancing (also awesome!). Sunday is homework and list-writing day. Assuming I am not too hungover... because I am really feeling all that vodka right now.

P.S. If you have just gotten home from the bar: Girlfriend in a Coma by Joshua Radin is the perfect song to calm down your still-drunk self.